smooth moves

[AberdeenFC]

Lets discuss some of the smooth moves we have down while gettin boozy in town.

Last night when my condition could be described as "super cut" I decided to get some food and at that time the only thing to be eatin was chips, cheese and curry sauce!! When I finnished it, I was on top of the moon. My crotch felt very warm. But this was because I spilt curry sauce all over it. Smooth. I used a pizza box I found to hide the stain but I was so hammered I kept showing everyone my stain and asking girls if they found it attractive.

In more impressive news however, I nicked heaps of Little Bill stickers from work and was distributing them to randoms in town with incredible accuracy. Everyone in Hogs Head bar was wearing one. Even more impressive is the fact they reflect light, look how totally freakin awesome and swell I looked.



I have just made a thread. Lets all reply and discuss our smooth moves. Because this place is boring!

 

[Tom]

that has to be the coolest thing i've ever seen, i shall be trying it next time im drunk... and near Sainsburys, dont expect anything too soon then.

I dont have smooth moves, i have moves, that are sometimes smooth, but usually brass and sharp. Anyway, i was messing around at a party a few weeks ago, telling my gay mate how him and his boyfriend would have lovely children () and i found myself a tad peckish.

I went over to a girl in the corner, who was fiddling with the CD player, and while kopping a look at her ample cleavage, stole her box of nibbles, you know, those gay things you can buy from Tesco. (Don't buy the value ones, just don't)

Being ever so slightly pissed, i forgot that i was holding the... plate.. thing of nibbles, and dropped them all on the floor, as i went to stroke my (male) friends hair, i was being very gay... for no apparent reason. Anyway, instead of picking them up, i managed to pursuade even more drunk people, who were happy after winning money on some horse (god i hate racing) to exchange them for a full bag of Doritos they were hitting each other with.

In conclusion:

- i lost my nibbles after only eating a few

+ i got a full bag of doritos, minus dip
+ i kopped a look at a lass' cleavage.

 

[AberdeenFC]

I just had another random memory from last night. I showed up at a leavin night then tripped over somethin and landed flat on my face. While a large "wheeeeeeeey" was realised by every fúcker in vodka bar I picked myself up and ran out the bar as fast as I could. Last night was a disaster actually. However, it is almost freshers week and big things are expected.

 

[The Don't]

However, it is almost freshers week and big things are expected.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure my non-existent social skills will be ample to ensure I have a crap, anticlimatic week though.

 

[Daz]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure my non-existent social skills will be ample to ensure I have a crap, anticlimatic week though.

sounds familiar... that'll be my week too. Back to college for me to patronise new lower sixth students.

 

[champdave]

I don't get my student loan until next monday even though Fresher's Week starts on Saturday, so I've got to make about £10 last

Should go out for a pint with Tom and get him to buy my beers

 

[Seán D]

go on Tom, give the lad a few beers

 

[Sir Calumn]

The other day a group of us were at a pub, but only one other person there was a close friend and it was rather boring so the two of us went into a field to smoke some jeffrey. We got pretty damn high when suddenly all these floodlights went on and we were totally illuminated, it was a big garden centre turf field you see, so we ran back to the relative darkness of the pub. Anyway, outside the pub, which is rather seedily entitled "The Barrel", there is a big wall painted with a cheap black wash stuff which rubs off real easy and shows the white paint underneath, so naturally people write graffiti on it and such. We had just finished writing "JEFFREY" in huge letters when suddenly a car switched its headlights on and we were fully illuminated, with this big word in front of us, fingers raised and blackened. Thinking quickly I said "quick, act like normal law abiding citizens" and in unison we dropped our hands into our pockets and walked noculantly into the pub. Now, and here's where you see how darnably clever we really are, we went up to the bar and ordered a pint each and quickly downed half of it, to make it look like we'd been there a while, you see? Unfortunately we hadnt washed our hands and, unbeknownst to us, it made the glasses all black. At this point a large landlord like looking fellow comes in and starts angrily asking around for anyone named Jeffrey when he spots our blackened glasses and comes over to enquire. My friend, thinking quickly, explained that he was born in nigeria but has been living here a long time and his black skin was peeling off on things. I didnt think this was a good explaination, but there was no time to argue so I went along with it. Quite naturally the man refuted this arguement and accused us of the terrible crime of vandalising his wall and ordered us to pay him a tener each! This we did, I got even though, I stole fifty four salt sachets so I think I ended up ahead of the game. By this time the other people who we came with had become embarrassed with our behaviour and left without a goodbye, so we were all alone and very stoned. We staggered outside and found a football and a burglar light, and I made my own eclipse for a while, which was fun until the light went out for good. Anyway, we decided to part company and make our respective ways home so I set off when I was mugged for the first and only time in my life! This chavvly looking fellow came up to me and said "give me all your money" to which I could only reply in a very downcast voice "I only have 20p". What followed was a very slow high speed chase as I could only suffle at approximately one pace per minute and he must have been as wasted as I was because he couldnt catch me. On reflection I dont think he was a real mugger, just a drunk guy trying to scare me, but it worked goddamnit and now I have to make a u-turn if I even see as much as a pare of white trainers in a shop window!

Anyway, that was my evening and it's not as interesting as Gavins but then how could I possibly have a more interesting evening than a scotsman?

 

[romero]

My friend, thinking quickly, explained that he was born in nigeria but has been living here a long time and his black skin was peeling off on things. I didnt think this was a good explaination, but there was no time to argue so I went along with it.

lol, wtf?

 

[Sir Calumn]

Please excuse that part if it sounds racist, I included it only for the purpose of journalistic accuracy. It's not the sort of comment either of us would condone had we been clean and sober.

 

[Tom]

I don't get my student loan until next monday even though Fresher's Week starts on Saturday, so I've got to make about £10 last

Should go out for a pint with Tom and get him to buy my beers

got a Stella waiting with your name on it Dave

 

[champdave]

got a Stella waiting with your name on it Dave

I still shiver at the sight of a Stella . . . dirty beer

(my stepdad bought me and my stepbrother two crates and dared us to drink it in a night . . . never felt so bad in my life)

 

[Tom]

make it a Fosters then

 

[AlienSeafood]

love ur mis-adventure calumn! this line was the best part though "...I got even though, I stole fifty four salt sachets so I think I ended up ahead of the game..." here's the question, did you count em before u stole them or after??

 

[Hyun]

I wrote in the sign-in sheet with inappropriate names like Harry Johnson and Demetus Brown, and the lady actually looked for those people!! tehehe :fool:

 

[champdave]

make it a Fosters then

Fosters? That's not beer, it's urine with alcohol in

Make mine a 1664

 

[Sir Calumn]

love ur mis-adventure calumn! this line was the best part though "...I got even though, I stole fifty four salt sachets so I think I ended up ahead of the game..." here's the question, did you count em before u stole them or after??

I just stuffed as many handfuls in my pocket as possible before they noticed - I counted them when I got home. I actually had fifty-eight but four had been boobytrapped to burst open in my pocket by that cunning landlord. He won that round.

 

[Shindig]

I tend to get lost in pubs. Usually when trying to find the toilet. Whats worse is if you've had a skinful and the pisser is up a flight of stairs. Like in most Witherspoons.

 

[Tom]

what the **** IS it with Wetherspoons having toilets upstairs, it's the most retarded design feature ive ever heard of. I just think its a way of them filtering out the drunk, from the really drunk.

 

[Seán D]

im brutal for remembering my way back to places. totally drunk in the A&E department with me mate who had a near heart attack. go to the toilet whilst the doctor is seeing him and cant find my way back. end up being kicked out of A&E after being assaulted by the male nurse and questioned by the police. fucking joke. i reported the male nurse and he got fired so all is good.