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drink stories
- Thread starter pashi
- Start date
at a christmasparty before my last day before the holidays in my 2nd highschool year, I got kinda drunk, so when I came to my school I threw up in the classroom, so I figured I should go home and threw up on the bus.
And the nice guy I am I tried to keep the stuff I threw up in my mouth till I was supposed to go off the bus, but it tasted so bad so I bent down and let it all on the floor. No one saw me.
And the nice guy I am I tried to keep the stuff I threw up in my mouth till I was supposed to go off the bus, but it tasted so bad so I bent down and let it all on the floor. No one saw me.
ShiftyPowers
Make America Great Again
If you want mine, just come on SG around 3 AM on Saturday and Sunday mornings Central US Time. I'm sure to post something stupid.
EDIT: Ok fine...
My friend Sara invited me to go to a wedding with her this past weekend, and so naturally I said yes. In fact her invitation was more like "would you like to go to a wedding wi...." "YES!!!!!" "in two weeks" "Hell yeah! Is there an open bar?" "It's a _______ wedding, of course there's an open bar"
So anyway, we get to the reception and I order the greatest drink of all time: Red Bull and Vodka. I had $16 on me and realized that while it wasn't an open bar it had free beer on tap and really cheap drinks. So the Red Bull and Vodkas were $2.75 and I had the maximum I could have, and I think I borrowed change to get the last one and didn't tip the bartenders (**** them, they were making enough that night) bringing the total to at least 6. Of course the strategy was to drink those fast to get really drunk, and then just maintain with the free beer. Let me tell you, that plan worked swimmingly. I was WASTED, except I was drinking Red Bull and Vodkas, so I also had a ton of energy. I busted out some of my rave dancing on the few hip-hop songs which can fool white people into thinking I can dance and luckily there were no black people to actually tell how bad I actually am.
Well anyway, I had never met the bride, groom, any member of the wedding party, in fact I had only met my "date" Sara before out of anyone at the wedding. So, the bride's crazy aunt Jennie took a liking to me and was basically doing anything in her power to get me in the bathroom with her. I got a VERY awkward shoulder massage, which didn't work, she tried to show off her dancing to get me on her, which REALLY didn't work, and then when all else failed she came at me with "I have cocaine, lsd, and mescaline in my purse." Yeah, what do you say to that? So I brush her off and when she leaves I tell Sara and her parents what happened. And word spreads. At the end of the night the Bride and Groom, who I have NEVER seen before are laughing at me because now I'm the new guy who crossed paths with crazy Aunt Jennie. So at the end of the night she comes up to me and is VERY forward, basically propositioning me right there and saying she'll be right back, well if you've ever been in this situation there's only one thing you can do, run up to the platonic female friend that you came with and drunkenly shout in her face "YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!! I'm TERRIFIED of this woman."
Oh, and I also drunkenly showed off my HOT dance moves on one of the slow songs; can you guys do the double twirl flawlessly? What about a perfect dip? Because that's all I got, but in a room full of white people I looked like Fred Astaire. The next thing I need to add is the arm out circle prominade and I'll be dazzling old and young alike at weddings for the rest of my life.
Um... yeah, I don't know why I posted this, I'm stone cold sober right now.
EDIT: Ok fine...
My friend Sara invited me to go to a wedding with her this past weekend, and so naturally I said yes. In fact her invitation was more like "would you like to go to a wedding wi...." "YES!!!!!" "in two weeks" "Hell yeah! Is there an open bar?" "It's a _______ wedding, of course there's an open bar"
So anyway, we get to the reception and I order the greatest drink of all time: Red Bull and Vodka. I had $16 on me and realized that while it wasn't an open bar it had free beer on tap and really cheap drinks. So the Red Bull and Vodkas were $2.75 and I had the maximum I could have, and I think I borrowed change to get the last one and didn't tip the bartenders (**** them, they were making enough that night) bringing the total to at least 6. Of course the strategy was to drink those fast to get really drunk, and then just maintain with the free beer. Let me tell you, that plan worked swimmingly. I was WASTED, except I was drinking Red Bull and Vodkas, so I also had a ton of energy. I busted out some of my rave dancing on the few hip-hop songs which can fool white people into thinking I can dance and luckily there were no black people to actually tell how bad I actually am.
Well anyway, I had never met the bride, groom, any member of the wedding party, in fact I had only met my "date" Sara before out of anyone at the wedding. So, the bride's crazy aunt Jennie took a liking to me and was basically doing anything in her power to get me in the bathroom with her. I got a VERY awkward shoulder massage, which didn't work, she tried to show off her dancing to get me on her, which REALLY didn't work, and then when all else failed she came at me with "I have cocaine, lsd, and mescaline in my purse." Yeah, what do you say to that? So I brush her off and when she leaves I tell Sara and her parents what happened. And word spreads. At the end of the night the Bride and Groom, who I have NEVER seen before are laughing at me because now I'm the new guy who crossed paths with crazy Aunt Jennie. So at the end of the night she comes up to me and is VERY forward, basically propositioning me right there and saying she'll be right back, well if you've ever been in this situation there's only one thing you can do, run up to the platonic female friend that you came with and drunkenly shout in her face "YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!! I'm TERRIFIED of this woman."
Oh, and I also drunkenly showed off my HOT dance moves on one of the slow songs; can you guys do the double twirl flawlessly? What about a perfect dip? Because that's all I got, but in a room full of white people I looked like Fred Astaire. The next thing I need to add is the arm out circle prominade and I'll be dazzling old and young alike at weddings for the rest of my life.
Um... yeah, I don't know why I posted this, I'm stone cold sober right now.
I was being sarcastic, numbnuts.pashi said:
Actually, the guy isn't even really my friend (he thought he was). He's a racist who keeps complaining about how minorities are abusing the welfare system while us honest white folk are paying for it. I'm not going to say he got what he deserved because I don't wish ill upon anyone, but I'm not going to shed any tears for him.