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Real Madrid [2011-2012]
- Thread starter yoyo913
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History
Real Madrid CF was established in the year BC 1786 by cave men living in the spanish hills. Cave inscriptions suggest that Madrid stands for "Mad" and "Rid", which means that these cave men were really ****ed up in the head and were kicked out of their tribe in the plains. So they went up the Hills, and had nothing to do, so they started playing Soccer, to mark their protest at being ejected from the tribe, they named themselves Madrid CF.
Like it typically does, being a rebel became cool and 2475 Soccer in Europe started calling themselves Madrid CF. The guys up the hill got to know of this and got damn pissed. They listened to the song "Real Slim Shady" written by the legend Marshal Mathers who was the lead guitarist of the popular rock band "EHM and EHM" and decided to tell the world that they are the real stuff, everyone else was a fake. So on January 1, BC 1525 they renamed themselves as Real Madrid CF.
Real Madrid is the only team in history of mankind from Planet Earth to win the Galactic Champions League beating Zork F.C of Andromeda in the finals. In fact, according to most experts, this was the most amazing comeback ever. Zork F.C. were leading 20-0 by half-time because of their star player, Yoruk( same species as Frieza and King Cold of DBZ). But then by half-time, disaster struck! Yoruk turn north-east, which is impossible thus causing him to be eaten by himself. So by half-time, Yoruk was no more. He was replaced with Titus Bramble who used to be an Earthling himself.
With much ado, Real scored 30 goals in the second half with Raul scoring 29 and Ronaldo 1...because he sucks and he's also fat(also known as the Barrilete cosmico) scoring the rest. Sergio Ramos, an over rated player, was red-carded in the final second (as usual) to make the news sound good. Celebration erupted everywhere after Zork FC momentous win. Even in Amerika, there were sightings of people burning Real Madrid jerseys, although it is generally believed to be an urban legend as there are no such things as soccer fans in Amerika. F.C. Barcelona proposed a merge whereas Chelsea FC decide to exchange the whole Real Madrid team for chimps, as they would probably play better.
Alas tragedy struck. The plane carrying the Real Madrid players (who were all in celebration mood) crashed and all the bad players (ronaldo, zidane, beckham, cassano, robinho and ronaldo again) sadly were all eaten by the almighty Grue. Ever since that tragedy, no team from the Planet Earth ever has been as bad as Real Mandril. The closest was in the 3243/3244 season where two Italian teams (AC Milan & Juventus) met in the final. A real nail-biter, it was marked by the two teams playing traditional Italian football: intense defense and a refusal to cross the midway line, with the ball remaning in centre field for 89 minutes. At the 90th minute, the game was deemed to be too boring by the almighty Grue thus he ate them all causing Shektarlo F.C of Solaria(A star that is part of the Orion solar system} to win by default (Inter Milan were the other semi-finalist but the Grue ate them anyway).
They won nothing but **** in the 09/10 season, a great improvement from previous seasons when Barcelona won everything and Real's **** leaving them with nothing
. But who cares, I'm off to start a barber business in Spain and convince all the the **** players in England to come over and play for Real Madrid.
During the 10/11 season, Ma Dick FC won every match at home. Rumors circulated that they used some weird african black magic. Suddenly, the mantra malfunctions and cause Gijonjonjon FC to beat Madrid by 69-0 at home. Currently, the real madrid president are searching for the guy who made this magic to kill him for the EPIC FAIL!
Source: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Real_Madrid
edit: holy sh!t !
Current Squad
1.Iker Pastillas Spain's only goalkeeper with hair. Bought from the youth system for around 200 million euros.
2. Retardo Carvalho apparently Portuguese, despite his scruffy French appearance and smell. Being Portuguese, he is gay by default. He got rejected by Chel$ki after 6 years after it became apparent he was far too old to play football and he was losing hair.
3. Pee Peenis the first of many illegal imigrants on this list,part alien, eats children and steals their hair, usually providing to Retardo Carvalho (see above). Died in early 2010 and respawned with hair-WTF.Have a problem with his career due to his habit of wetting his pants EVERYTIME.Despite his name, he has hardly any dick.
4. Sergio GRamos- can play in 800 different positions but he is only good in the missionary.
5. Fernando "Lady" Gago- only the legendary xialin warrior knows why he isnt playing for accrington stanley. takes it up the rear.he may also be on the way to manchester city the graveyard of overated players. Son of lady gaga.
6. Mahamadou Diarrhea- Rumoured to have had a blow to his knee in Chad and was never seen again, his prototype is been worked on now( see Lassana Diarrhea)
7. "Jesus Christ"iano Pornaldo- Dived into a pile of dog**** in Manchester and fled to Spain, thats where Real Madrid signed him for 80 penii decided to become injury prone in an attempt to get more sympathy but reports are circulating that the club doctor just has a big dick.
8. ****a- signed from Aysee Milan last summer for 2 billion euros. discraced at his sale Gary Cook swapped his legs with Noel Gallagher's which is considered an improvement and caused the break up of Oasis. Keeping the bench warm due to his dick injury.
9. Karl Benjamin- came to madrid during the french revolution. so crap he cant even get in the french team.
10. Lasagna Diarrhea- Played for 800 different clubs and has been **** for all of them. His parents are rumoured to be dolphins - well its the only explanation for his weirdly shaped head. Its like the Millenium dome or some ****.
11. Eatabean Granero- actually a bowls player who madrid signed to test if his hair looked good on Pepe's head, got kicked out of Madrid but then found his way back from Getafe.
12. Marcelo- no one knows anything about about this child except for Michael Jackson and Eric Djemba-Djemba.
13. Antonio Adam- next andy dibble
14. Chubby Alonso- masturbated the great dick sucking party and went into hiding, thats why you never see him on the pitch.
15. Roysten Dreadlock- completely ****. apparently rumored to be killed in collision with a black boy in Real Madrid Youth club.
17. Alvaro i'll blow her - Rejected at liverpool for not scoring enough goals and sent to the **** players made good camp in madrid. had to pay a hefty entrance fee. Still sucks at Madrid but he got accepted for blowing Mourinho.
18. Raul Albiol- stole the shirt from a dead person called Ruben De La Green. also a known accompliss of batman.
19. Ezequil Gary- always rejected me on ffin video games. signed from charlton to keep the other crap players(Dreadlock,Gutsucker,Raul,Benjamin etc)company
20. Gondola Higuian- Became Real madrid's greatest ever player after escaping from fat ronaldo's stomach.
22. Angel De Mary- is in fact a girl in disguise, or in this case he looks like one. rumored to possess a vagina.
23. Rafartel Van Der Fart- Known to be the only dutchman without pubic hair, hasn't played after meeting his girlfriend ( she is bloody hot! ) Never had first team football because he have a nasty habit of farting uncontrollably.
24. Sammy Khedira- Some random German player who joined the club to keep a bench warm.
25. Jerky Dudek- Left Liverpool, where he was second-choice to Spain's #2 goalkeeper, for more first team football, before joining Real Madrid to play with...erm...Spain's #1 goalie.
23. Mesut Oezil- joined the club as a disguise of Marty Feldman. Also likely to keep a bench warm, Rob Shniders twin
27. Zuel- Only Zuel
Real Madrid CF was established in the year BC 1786 by cave men living in the spanish hills. Cave inscriptions suggest that Madrid stands for "Mad" and "Rid", which means that these cave men were really ****ed up in the head and were kicked out of their tribe in the plains. So they went up the Hills, and had nothing to do, so they started playing Soccer, to mark their protest at being ejected from the tribe, they named themselves Madrid CF.
Like it typically does, being a rebel became cool and 2475 Soccer in Europe started calling themselves Madrid CF. The guys up the hill got to know of this and got damn pissed. They listened to the song "Real Slim Shady" written by the legend Marshal Mathers who was the lead guitarist of the popular rock band "EHM and EHM" and decided to tell the world that they are the real stuff, everyone else was a fake. So on January 1, BC 1525 they renamed themselves as Real Madrid CF.
Real Madrid is the only team in history of mankind from Planet Earth to win the Galactic Champions League beating Zork F.C of Andromeda in the finals. In fact, according to most experts, this was the most amazing comeback ever. Zork F.C. were leading 20-0 by half-time because of their star player, Yoruk( same species as Frieza and King Cold of DBZ). But then by half-time, disaster struck! Yoruk turn north-east, which is impossible thus causing him to be eaten by himself. So by half-time, Yoruk was no more. He was replaced with Titus Bramble who used to be an Earthling himself.
With much ado, Real scored 30 goals in the second half with Raul scoring 29 and Ronaldo 1...because he sucks and he's also fat(also known as the Barrilete cosmico) scoring the rest. Sergio Ramos, an over rated player, was red-carded in the final second (as usual) to make the news sound good. Celebration erupted everywhere after Zork FC momentous win. Even in Amerika, there were sightings of people burning Real Madrid jerseys, although it is generally believed to be an urban legend as there are no such things as soccer fans in Amerika. F.C. Barcelona proposed a merge whereas Chelsea FC decide to exchange the whole Real Madrid team for chimps, as they would probably play better.
Alas tragedy struck. The plane carrying the Real Madrid players (who were all in celebration mood) crashed and all the bad players (ronaldo, zidane, beckham, cassano, robinho and ronaldo again) sadly were all eaten by the almighty Grue. Ever since that tragedy, no team from the Planet Earth ever has been as bad as Real Mandril. The closest was in the 3243/3244 season where two Italian teams (AC Milan & Juventus) met in the final. A real nail-biter, it was marked by the two teams playing traditional Italian football: intense defense and a refusal to cross the midway line, with the ball remaning in centre field for 89 minutes. At the 90th minute, the game was deemed to be too boring by the almighty Grue thus he ate them all causing Shektarlo F.C of Solaria(A star that is part of the Orion solar system} to win by default (Inter Milan were the other semi-finalist but the Grue ate them anyway).
They won nothing but **** in the 09/10 season, a great improvement from previous seasons when Barcelona won everything and Real's **** leaving them with nothing
. But who cares, I'm off to start a barber business in Spain and convince all the the **** players in England to come over and play for Real Madrid.During the 10/11 season, Ma Dick FC won every match at home. Rumors circulated that they used some weird african black magic. Suddenly, the mantra malfunctions and cause Gijonjonjon FC to beat Madrid by 69-0 at home. Currently, the real madrid president are searching for the guy who made this magic to kill him for the EPIC FAIL!
Source: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Real_Madrid
edit: holy sh!t !
Current Squad
1.Iker Pastillas Spain's only goalkeeper with hair. Bought from the youth system for around 200 million euros.
2. Retardo Carvalho apparently Portuguese, despite his scruffy French appearance and smell. Being Portuguese, he is gay by default. He got rejected by Chel$ki after 6 years after it became apparent he was far too old to play football and he was losing hair.
3. Pee Peenis the first of many illegal imigrants on this list,part alien, eats children and steals their hair, usually providing to Retardo Carvalho (see above). Died in early 2010 and respawned with hair-WTF.Have a problem with his career due to his habit of wetting his pants EVERYTIME.Despite his name, he has hardly any dick.
4. Sergio GRamos- can play in 800 different positions but he is only good in the missionary.
5. Fernando "Lady" Gago- only the legendary xialin warrior knows why he isnt playing for accrington stanley. takes it up the rear.he may also be on the way to manchester city the graveyard of overated players. Son of lady gaga.
6. Mahamadou Diarrhea- Rumoured to have had a blow to his knee in Chad and was never seen again, his prototype is been worked on now( see Lassana Diarrhea)
7. "Jesus Christ"iano Pornaldo- Dived into a pile of dog**** in Manchester and fled to Spain, thats where Real Madrid signed him for 80 penii decided to become injury prone in an attempt to get more sympathy but reports are circulating that the club doctor just has a big dick.
8. ****a- signed from Aysee Milan last summer for 2 billion euros. discraced at his sale Gary Cook swapped his legs with Noel Gallagher's which is considered an improvement and caused the break up of Oasis. Keeping the bench warm due to his dick injury.
9. Karl Benjamin- came to madrid during the french revolution. so crap he cant even get in the french team.
10. Lasagna Diarrhea- Played for 800 different clubs and has been **** for all of them. His parents are rumoured to be dolphins - well its the only explanation for his weirdly shaped head. Its like the Millenium dome or some ****.
11. Eatabean Granero- actually a bowls player who madrid signed to test if his hair looked good on Pepe's head, got kicked out of Madrid but then found his way back from Getafe.
12. Marcelo- no one knows anything about about this child except for Michael Jackson and Eric Djemba-Djemba.
13. Antonio Adam- next andy dibble
14. Chubby Alonso- masturbated the great dick sucking party and went into hiding, thats why you never see him on the pitch.
15. Roysten Dreadlock- completely ****. apparently rumored to be killed in collision with a black boy in Real Madrid Youth club.
17. Alvaro i'll blow her - Rejected at liverpool for not scoring enough goals and sent to the **** players made good camp in madrid. had to pay a hefty entrance fee. Still sucks at Madrid but he got accepted for blowing Mourinho.
18. Raul Albiol- stole the shirt from a dead person called Ruben De La Green. also a known accompliss of batman.
19. Ezequil Gary- always rejected me on ffin video games. signed from charlton to keep the other crap players(Dreadlock,Gutsucker,Raul,Benjamin etc)company
20. Gondola Higuian- Became Real madrid's greatest ever player after escaping from fat ronaldo's stomach.
22. Angel De Mary- is in fact a girl in disguise, or in this case he looks like one. rumored to possess a vagina.
23. Rafartel Van Der Fart- Known to be the only dutchman without pubic hair, hasn't played after meeting his girlfriend ( she is bloody hot! ) Never had first team football because he have a nasty habit of farting uncontrollably.
24. Sammy Khedira- Some random German player who joined the club to keep a bench warm.
25. Jerky Dudek- Left Liverpool, where he was second-choice to Spain's #2 goalkeeper, for more first team football, before joining Real Madrid to play with...erm...Spain's #1 goalie.
23. Mesut Oezil- joined the club as a disguise of Marty Feldman. Also likely to keep a bench warm, Rob Shniders twin
27. Zuel- Only Zuel
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Sorry I got real bored.
ShiftyPowers
Make America Great Again
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I think it's hilarious and would like to see this up for awhile. And what's even more ridiculous is that I've completely changed since the early 00's and actually kind of like Madrid now. Don't rat me out to Hitzfeld.
LEGENDARYI don't like Real, in fact I hate'em, but this thread is so unrespectful.
However, I blame Real fans, those guys were so lazy to start this thread before Horatiu.
I don't know how admins are OK with this nonsense, they questioned shoneroma90 to do less effort for that thread. Probably they're ***ing.
However, I blame Real fans, those guys were so lazy to start this thread before Horatiu.
I don't know how admins are OK with this nonsense, they questioned shoneroma90 to do less effort for that thread. Probably they're ***ing.
Jaboldinho
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They aren't lazy, they are non-existent.
hahahaFilipower;3092435 said:
you should PM one of the mods -- like Horatiu, maybe? -- to complain about Horatiu's post ...kp40;3092510 said:
they either ran away or just lurk, coz they couldn't face the barrage from the unaffectionately monikered "SG Barça Legion" ...Jaboldinho;3092601 said:
Dytza
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Xifio;3092607 said:
I saw this like 3 times in the last days. What SG Barça Legion? There's only me, Arnau, Jaboldinho, ArgVega and skiptomylou. Maybe kp and paolo who are #2 and #3 posters in the Barça thread.
Jaboldinho
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Compared to other teams, that's quite a big fanbase nowadays. And some of us have been getting on people's nerves.
Chacarita Juniors
The artist formerly known as ronnifan9
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Oh how dare thee incur upon we with thy ungracious calumny. I vehemently object by asserting that Buster Douglas...youz just a playa' hata. Infidel, heathen, I demand you retreat so to clarify your words or I shall be obliged to look upon a disciplinary action, comrade Horatiu.
In memory to those who ocasionally attended the Playa Hater's Ball...hate!hate!hate!hate!hate!*chant slowly dies out*
In memory to those who ocasionally attended the Playa Hater's Ball...hate!hate!hate!hate!hate!*chant slowly dies out*
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