S
Sir Calumn
Guest
When you are a fledgling pro-democracy movement with a big nasty government to take on and very little money but plenty of time on your hands, you need to improvise.
Allow me to talk you through the latest range in "effective" battle headgear for the revolutionary on a budget.
The tri-bottle tea towel. Advantages: Lightweight, allows your head to float in water. Disadvantages: Going into battle desperate for a piss after drinking three litres....
The hardboard box. Advantages: keeps your turban pristine, square shape superbly camouflages you as a german. Disadvantages: If box is food packaging mad old arab ladies will try to buy your head
The concrete noggin. Advantages: superb for impromptu building repairs. Disadvantages: Severe neck pain resulting in paralysis
The smash-can. Advantages: if the battle gets a little too rough you can stop holding it up and pretend nothing is happening. Disadvantages: unfortunately, pretending nothing is happening does not mean nothing is happening.
The General De Galle, with life-Carlos*et accessory. Advantages: perfect comfortable fit, doubles up as a cooking accessory and toilet, keeps you safe in water. Disadvantages: there is not much water in the egyptian desert, makes your head smell like cous-cous.
The Battlefield Classic. Advantages: no delusions of grandeur. Disadvantages: actually less effective than having absolutely nothing because at least then your hands are free.
And my personal favorite...
Two hot-dogs and a pastry secured with sellotape. Advantages: if you're hungry. Disadvantages: If you fall down next to a stray dog which is hungry.
Viva la revolution!
Allow me to talk you through the latest range in "effective" battle headgear for the revolutionary on a budget.
The tri-bottle tea towel. Advantages: Lightweight, allows your head to float in water. Disadvantages: Going into battle desperate for a piss after drinking three litres....
The hardboard box. Advantages: keeps your turban pristine, square shape superbly camouflages you as a german. Disadvantages: If box is food packaging mad old arab ladies will try to buy your head
The concrete noggin. Advantages: superb for impromptu building repairs. Disadvantages: Severe neck pain resulting in paralysis
The smash-can. Advantages: if the battle gets a little too rough you can stop holding it up and pretend nothing is happening. Disadvantages: unfortunately, pretending nothing is happening does not mean nothing is happening.
The General De Galle, with life-Carlos*et accessory. Advantages: perfect comfortable fit, doubles up as a cooking accessory and toilet, keeps you safe in water. Disadvantages: there is not much water in the egyptian desert, makes your head smell like cous-cous.
The Battlefield Classic. Advantages: no delusions of grandeur. Disadvantages: actually less effective than having absolutely nothing because at least then your hands are free.
And my personal favorite...
Two hot-dogs and a pastry secured with sellotape. Advantages: if you're hungry. Disadvantages: If you fall down next to a stray dog which is hungry.
Viva la revolution!
!!!
