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Some God-awful jokes

T

TimmyP

Club Supporter
How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One They'll screw anything!

Two chavs fall off a cliff, who wins?
Society

I had a ploughmans lunch...he was well annoyed!

Whats a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A Liar

Whats a chav at college?
The cleaner!

3 chavs in a Vauxhall Nova fall off a cliff. Why are people upset?
A Nova Seats Four

Why are there no yellow lines outside George Micheal's house?
Because no-one can dare bend down to paint them

What do you say to a Chav with a job?
Can i have 2 big macs please!





Hope some of these jokes made you laugh!:alex:

Any other jokes gladly accepted!
 
N

Nettles

Youth Team
this is pure country sh*te (fookin filter):

What do you when you cross a detective with a skeleton?
Sherlock Bones (HONK!)

Which hand do you use to stir a cuppa tea with?
Neither, you use a spoon.

A woman finds a PR0N movie in her son's room...and she's innit.

Her kids are sexually active...with each other

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

'What do you call a fish with no eyes?'
Fsh.

Whats grey and can't climb trees
A car park (driveway for you Americans)

Two cows are in a field. One goes moooo and the other says 'oi you b*st*rd, I was gonna say that."

Your wife wants a divorce....and she's a lawyer

What did the injured cats say to each other?
Me-owch

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in!
 
S

Sir Calumn

Guest
Haha I've heard pretty much all of those before only with the word nigger substituted for chav.

In the interests of political correctness, let me offer a retort......

Q: How many racists does it take to turn on a lightbulb?


A: None, racists hate being enlightened.


That's probably the only liberal PC socially acceptable joke I'll ever make on these forums.
 
T

TimmyP

Club Supporter
What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav?
Fathers Day!

How do you start an argument with a chav?
Speak!

What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?
The burglar.

What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.

What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.

What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.

What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.

Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight
of stairs.

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

How do you identify the bride at a chav wedding?
She is the most pregnant one.

What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

What do u call a chav in a suit?…
The accused!

where do you take your chavette girlfriend for a nice night out?
Up the gary

two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who’s driving?
the police

What do you call a chav tart in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.

What’s the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One’s thick and hairy, the other’s a coconut.

...I like Chav jokes!
 
Zlatan

Zlatan

Fan Favourite
How many forum members do you need to change a lightbulb?

* 1 to change the light bulb

* 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed

* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

* 53 to flame the spell checkers

* 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

* 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

* ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

* 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

* 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

* 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

* 109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

* 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

* 111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

* 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

* 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

* 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

* 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

* 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

* 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

* 44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

* 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

* 143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

* 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
 
T

Theodorakis

Banned
Zlatan (Y) (H)


* 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again



that should be mr. night.
 
N

nickclubman

Starting XI
hahaha this thread is hilarious, loving the chav jokes and the light bulb forum members stuff.

Yeah, keep it up lads!! here's some viagra.
 
S

Sir Calumn

Guest
Nettles;2455324 said:
^ what happens when you swallow viagra too slowly?

you get a stiff neck.
Click to expand...

"I thank you!..."
 
E

easyeasyeasy

Senior Squad
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.

The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has documentation and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The manager and staff all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and interest which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The blonde replies..."Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
 
N

Nettles

Youth Team
sorry to discriminate against the SG transvestite population here:

but what do a rubics cube and a penis have in common?

the longer u play with them, the harder they get.
 
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