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Soccer Joke of the day

J

Julianinho

Senior Squad
This is taken from soccer.com forums..

Gattuso, Vieri and Totti find themselves in front of a magic mirror.

The mirror warns them: "Those who lie in front of me will disappear".

Gattuso speaks first: "I think I'm the most handsome dude." And poof, he disappears.

Vieri speaks next: "I think I'm the most intelligent." And poof, he disappears as well.

Totti goes last: "I think..." And poof, he disappears.

:crazyboy: :crazyboy: :p :rockman: :hump: Sorry if it offends any totti fans...
 
S

SB9Dragon

Fan Favourite
Re: Soccer Joke of the day

Originally posted by Julianinho
This is taken from soccer.com forums..

Gattuso, Vieri and Totti find themselves in front of a magic mirror.

The mirror warns them: "Those who lie in front of me will disappear".

Gattuso speaks first: "I think I'm the most handsome dude." And poof, he disappears.

Vieri speaks next: "I think I'm the most intelligent." And poof, he disappears as well.

Totti goes last: "I think..." And poof, he disappears.

:crazyboy: :crazyboy: :p :rockman: :hump: Sorry if it offends any totti fans...
Click to expand...

IMO that deserved a chuckle, but it would have been funnier with Gattuso at the end instead of Totti :rockman:
 
S

SB9Dragon

Fan Favourite
I had a few

A bad football team is like an old bra - no cups and little support.

IMO this one was hilarious

Three girlfriends

One of the highest paid players in the Premier division, Gary had everything going for him. He had a fancy new house in North-East London, a flash new sports car, masses of designer clothes -the lot. His only problem was that he had three girlfriends and he couldn't decide which one to marry. So he decided to give £5,000 to each woman to see what she would do with it.

The first woman bought new clothes for herself and had an expensive new hairdo, a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure.

The second woman bought a top-of-the range VCR and CD player, as well as an expensive set of golf clubs and tennis racquet and gave them all to Gary. "I used the money to buy you these gifts because I love you," she told him.

The third woman invested the money in the stock market, and within a short time had doubled her investment. She gave Gary back the initial £5,000 and reinvested the profit. "I'm investing in our future because I love you so much," she said.

Gary considered carefully how each woman had spent the money, and then married the woman with the biggest breasts.
================================

And also one that rashes on David Beckham(H)

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank.

"I'd like to donate some sperm," he says to the receptionist.

"Certainly, Sir," she replies. "Have you donated before?"

"Yes," replies Beckham, "you should have my details on your computer."

"Oh, Yes, I've found your details," says the receptionist, "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"

"Why do I need help to donate sperm?" asks Beckham.

"Well," the receptionist replies, "it says on your record that you're a useless wanker."
 
M

mufc_daddy

Starting XI
This ones probably old but i only heard it the other day.


Why are Brazillians so good at sex?


Because they can lob Semen from 30 metres.
 
S

Silverhawk

Youth Team
Originally posted by rony31
LMAO! great jokes :D

BTW Julianinho, your joke is just a rip-off of some brunette/redhead/blonde joke :crazyboy:
Click to expand...
exactly.we have that joke aboutsardarjis here in india:
A Russian,an american and a sardar are bought to test a new lie-detector.
Rus:Our's is a democratic country.The light goes on meaning that is a lie.
American:I have no idea about capitalism.The light goes on.
Sardar:I think...The light goes on.

The Sardar jokes are popular.We had one in our class. he was really dumb.He said"you know,if your hand's bigger than your face, you get cancer".So,this other classmate(dumb as well) puts the hand over his face and the sardar smacks him.So,the guy's really angry and he says,Raj(the sardar's name),you're dumb.it's aids,not cancer.Would you believe it, Raj actually measures his hand against his face and gets smacked.He is absoltely the dumbest guy i've known.
And YES,this REALLY happened.:o
 
K

Knight Saber

Senior Squad
Here is a couple:

A Rangers and Celtic fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Rangers fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A fella is going through the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety, he leaps on the manky beast and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it.

Now this violent scenario was witnessed by a reporter for the Daily Record, who approaches the man to offer his congratulations. He asks if he can run the story of great bravery in the paper next day. Our hero agrees to this.

The reporter then asks if the man is a Celtic supporter. When told no, he says "that's a pity - I would have used the headline 'Tim Saves Tot'...

The reporter then asks if the fella is by any chance a Falkirk supporter. Again, unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used Bairn Saves Bairn"...

When asked which team he actually does support the rescuer replies "I'm a Rangers Follower".....

"Ah, I see. Well sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the reply.

The following morning, the headline on page 2 of the Daily Record reads:-

"ORANGE BASTARD SAVAGES FAMILY PET"

-------------------------------------------------------------

A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"

"Dad, dad!" cried Philip, as he arrived home one evening. "I think I've been selected for the school football team."

"That's good," said his father. "But why do you only think you've been selected? Aren't you sure? What position are you playing?"

-----------------------------------------------

"Well," replied Philip, "it's not been announced officially, but I overheard the football coach tell my teacher that if I was in the team I'd be a great draw-back."

--------------------------------------------------------

England soccer player Tim Flowers was up for a charge of allegedly sexually manhandling of a woman but the woman recently dropped the charges. When asked why she dropped them the woman is alleged to have said: "Well, I saw Flowers play against Man United and his handling was so bad that I knew immediately that it was a case of mistaken identity."

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
 
U

uskid94

Youth Team
LOL those are some good jokes. But I have heaerd the frist one before but w/ college football teams (american football)
 
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