This is a test done by a bast to prove the Deacon Effect.
Since I am normally very nice to the ladies it is my duty to become an *******, in the name of science, to see if the Deacon Effect is a valid method of getting women. Now we will find out if this method is at mankind's disposal...
Two ladies will be tested. The two ladies chosen were "Sarah" and "Katie". Katie is the typical nice girl, on one hand she will probably put up with a ton of ****, on the other she probably has idealistic image of how men are supposed to act, think: Gentlemen. Sarah is your typical raving *****, she won't put up with any ****, on the other hand her image of men is less idealistic and more "bad boy", think: Biker Trash. Both ladies will experience "Sabastian the *******".
Part 1 - Sarah:
Sarah was first seen leaning up against something. She looked like the kind of girl you would want on your side in a bar fight. I walked up to her giving her a look, you know, the kind where you want to get caught. She scowled. I glared and sat down at a table to enjoy my newly bought beverage. Much to my surprise she walked over and sat at the table next to me. I sat slurping my straw. She spoke first, the *****.
Sarah: I'm Sarah.
I took a long cold sip...
Sabastian: I'm thirsty.
Sarah: Yeah, but what's your name?
Sabastian: Sabastian.
Sarah: That's an interesting name...
Sabastian: I'm glad you approve.
Sarah: What the hell is wrong with you? I just came over cause you looked like you might be cool to talk to.
Sabastian: Sorry, just not used to being accosted by random people at the mall.
Sarah: I can leave...
Sabastian: But you won't.
Sarah: You are a total ****.
Sabastian: And you are still here.
Sarah: Yeah well it's a free country, ****.
She still had not left, with no other reason to be sitting there I knew she was intrigued by my ****-faceness. I would wait until she spoke again.
Sarah: Well it was nice meeting you, Sabastian.
She sat for a second longer and stood up. It was at this point that I made eye contact with her.
Sarah: How can such and ******* have such nice eyes?
Sabastian: Were you leaving?
She sat down across from me. This kind of persistance is typical in *******. The best part is they think they have control of the situation because they think you really want them to leave.
Sarah: Oh my god, you are such a prick!
Sabastian: I thought I was an *******.
I got up and walked away, I was none too shocked when I was followed into the music store. She followed me around as I looked at typical ****head music, Limp Bizkit and such. After awhile she got me to answer typical first meeting questions. Finally, when I was walking out to my car she gave me her number and told me to call her. Christ, I was a total **** to her... Maybe Deacon is smarter than he looks.
Part 1 - Katie:
Katie was also met at the mall. We were in some lame *** store. I was walking around with bra on its hanger hanging from my shirt collar and a pair of matching panties hanging from my belt. This time I accosted the test subject. I could tell by her Abercrombie look that I would have to come in as just a jerk and work my way up to total ****ing ******** *******.
Sabastian: How do I look?
Katie: What? Oh um, I don't know.
Sabastian: C'mon, tell me what you think, I don't have all day.
Katie: Well you look like a guy wearing a bra.
Sabastian: ****!
I threw the bra and panties on the floor and kicked them under a table.
Katie: Um, okay.
Sabastian: My name's Sabastian.
Katie: I'm Katie. Do you always wear bras and go hit on girls?
She knew I was hitting on her. Good and bad, I would have to "work it".
Sabastian: Only for the skanky ones.
She just chuckled. I was testing her ******* threshold. If it was too low I would have to find another subject. So far her hull had not been breached, shields were still at maximum.
Katie: Great pickup line.
Sabastian: A pickup line would imply I was trying to pick something up.
Katie: You aren't?
Sabastian: Don't sound so dissapointed.
Katie: Trust me, I'm not. I just figured that since you just walked up to me at the mall that you were hitting on me.
Sabastian: You aren't that pretty.
Katie: Oh my god, you're such a jerk off.
Sabastian: Do you want me to leave?
Katie: You can do what you want.
I turned and walked away. To my not surprise she followed.
Katie: I didn't say you had to leave.
Sabastian: Carry my bag for me.
I handed her my bag. She took it and looked inside. Nothing of any importance, a shirt, some socks, some glow condoms and XXX playing cards from Spencers.
Katie: Nice shirt.
Her number was soon acquired. If only it was that easy when you weren't doing scientific research. With part one taken care of I had to prepare for part two, calling each of my test subjects. A minimum of one week would be waited before calls were made. Nice guys call within three days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Katie:
I waited a week to call Katie, despite the fact that I met her on the previous Wednesday and told her I would call her the Friday of that week. The call was made the following Thursday so a date could be set up for the weekend. I would have gone longer but I decided that if I waited too long a wholesome girl like Katie might be married by that time. To create the right mood I put on some White Zombie at a volume just loud enough to be irritating and cause me to say, "what?" a lot. Here are some highlights:
Sabastian: Why don't we hang out this weekend?
Katie: Okay, what should we do?
Sabastian: I'll think of something special.
Katie: I hate bowling though.
Sabastian: As if I would take you bowling on a first date. You insult me.
Katie: Sorry.
Sabastian: What?
Katie: So do you want to pick me up?
Sabastian: What? No, drive to my house.
I gave Katie directions to my house. Not picking up a chick on a date is an ultra classy move. I was proud of myself. Katie would arrive at my house on Friday night at 9:00PM. Later dates are a typical ******* move.
Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Sarah:
I gave Sarah an extra week, you know, so she could fester in a pool of her own hate. I figured I could go longer with Sarah since any "other interests" of hers were probably serving time. I would have no competition for her time.
To set the mood, I **** you not; I threw in a porno and turned it up loud. Sarah can dish out quite a lot of ****, the phone conversation was mostly us insulting one another and saying, "****in'" a lot. There were no real highlights other than me telling her about how I hate my cat and own it just to impress girls (it's all lies, I love you, Little Britney Spears). I set up the same scenario with her as I did with Katie, Friday, 9:00PM, meet at my place (while scheduling both dates for the same Friday would have been an impressive move, I did not).
My thoughts so far: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Deacon Effect.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3, "The Date" - Katie:
Katie showed up at my house at exactly 9 PM. It was amazing; I've never seen a punctual girl before. I poked her really hard on that sensitive spot of the collarbone to make sure she was real. She was wearing a really cute sweater and some tight jeans... Typical Abercrombie look. She looked really nice; no compliments were given.
Katie: Did you decide what we are going to do?
Sabastian: First I thought we would go grab something to eat, I'm ****ing starving, dude.
Katie: Alright.
I drove. Even though I have a '94 Toyota Camry we took my '90 Eagle Talon. It has no heater and sounds like the Klingon ship on Star Trek IV when they had to go around the sun to gain enough speed to go back in time; it's a racecar. It won't do warp nine but it does 0-60 in 4.6 seconds which I repeatedly demonstrated on wet/icy, residential roads. It also has to run on special, leaded racing gas in order not to explode. It smells like lead, so does any living creature that contacts it. Katie asked what my car was named, I told her, "The Skinny Little *****". Most chicks ****ing hate the Talon, they think it's loud, dangerous, irritating, cold, hot, stinky, a waste of time and money, and lastly: stupid. Katie, oddly, seemed intrigued by my hobby. ****.
I took her to Taco Bell. I made her pay for her own food. Let me just say this was very difficult to do... I wanted to be nice but I kept thinking "for science". We took the food back to my place which momentarily seemed to shock Katie. She must have expected me to take her somewhere...
I explained to her that we would be watching a movie. She wanted to know which theater. I said, "my living room." Watching a movie at home is exactly what you should not do on a first date. First off the chick is in a strange place with someone she barely knows. Katie still had no way of knowing if I was some weird rapist guy or someting. Perfect. I put in the movie Ravenous the gorriest, least romantic movie ever
I sat down on the couch and began eating, Katie had gone to the bathroom. When she came back she sat next to me on the couch.
Sabastian: Don't eat on my couch, it's new. House rule.
Katie: But you are.
Sabastian: Rules were meant to be broken...
I set a pillow for her on the floor. Katie reluctantly got off the couch and sat on the floor. She ate her food and to my surprise she sat next to me again and even cuddled up. Possibly because I turned my heater off and it was 60 degrees in my house, she was stealing my body heat. *****.
When the movie was over I shut everything off with the remote. It was dark. Katie sat next to me for a good 15 minutes, presumably waiting for me to kiss her or something. Either way I sat there in silence as she cuddled up with me. Then I told her that I was tired and had to wake up early. She stood up and grabbed her things. She stood by the door... she was waiting for me to walk her out, I could tell. At that point I figured I had done enough research to give her that one polite gesture. I walked her down to her car. She gave me a good, long, tight hug and told me to call her. Somehow the Deacon Effect had worked... Katie must have been just insecure enough to tolerate my ****ing bull****.
The date reminded me of this nature show I saw where these two rogue lions went around killing stuff for fun. I was the rouge lion of the dating world.
Since I am normally very nice to the ladies it is my duty to become an *******, in the name of science, to see if the Deacon Effect is a valid method of getting women. Now we will find out if this method is at mankind's disposal...
Two ladies will be tested. The two ladies chosen were "Sarah" and "Katie". Katie is the typical nice girl, on one hand she will probably put up with a ton of ****, on the other she probably has idealistic image of how men are supposed to act, think: Gentlemen. Sarah is your typical raving *****, she won't put up with any ****, on the other hand her image of men is less idealistic and more "bad boy", think: Biker Trash. Both ladies will experience "Sabastian the *******".
Part 1 - Sarah:
Sarah was first seen leaning up against something. She looked like the kind of girl you would want on your side in a bar fight. I walked up to her giving her a look, you know, the kind where you want to get caught. She scowled. I glared and sat down at a table to enjoy my newly bought beverage. Much to my surprise she walked over and sat at the table next to me. I sat slurping my straw. She spoke first, the *****.
Sarah: I'm Sarah.
I took a long cold sip...
Sabastian: I'm thirsty.
Sarah: Yeah, but what's your name?
Sabastian: Sabastian.
Sarah: That's an interesting name...
Sabastian: I'm glad you approve.
Sarah: What the hell is wrong with you? I just came over cause you looked like you might be cool to talk to.
Sabastian: Sorry, just not used to being accosted by random people at the mall.
Sarah: I can leave...
Sabastian: But you won't.
Sarah: You are a total ****.
Sabastian: And you are still here.
Sarah: Yeah well it's a free country, ****.
She still had not left, with no other reason to be sitting there I knew she was intrigued by my ****-faceness. I would wait until she spoke again.
Sarah: Well it was nice meeting you, Sabastian.
She sat for a second longer and stood up. It was at this point that I made eye contact with her.
Sarah: How can such and ******* have such nice eyes?
Sabastian: Were you leaving?
She sat down across from me. This kind of persistance is typical in *******. The best part is they think they have control of the situation because they think you really want them to leave.
Sarah: Oh my god, you are such a prick!
Sabastian: I thought I was an *******.
I got up and walked away, I was none too shocked when I was followed into the music store. She followed me around as I looked at typical ****head music, Limp Bizkit and such. After awhile she got me to answer typical first meeting questions. Finally, when I was walking out to my car she gave me her number and told me to call her. Christ, I was a total **** to her... Maybe Deacon is smarter than he looks.
Part 1 - Katie:
Katie was also met at the mall. We were in some lame *** store. I was walking around with bra on its hanger hanging from my shirt collar and a pair of matching panties hanging from my belt. This time I accosted the test subject. I could tell by her Abercrombie look that I would have to come in as just a jerk and work my way up to total ****ing ******** *******.
Sabastian: How do I look?
Katie: What? Oh um, I don't know.
Sabastian: C'mon, tell me what you think, I don't have all day.
Katie: Well you look like a guy wearing a bra.
Sabastian: ****!
I threw the bra and panties on the floor and kicked them under a table.
Katie: Um, okay.
Sabastian: My name's Sabastian.
Katie: I'm Katie. Do you always wear bras and go hit on girls?
She knew I was hitting on her. Good and bad, I would have to "work it".
Sabastian: Only for the skanky ones.
She just chuckled. I was testing her ******* threshold. If it was too low I would have to find another subject. So far her hull had not been breached, shields were still at maximum.
Katie: Great pickup line.
Sabastian: A pickup line would imply I was trying to pick something up.
Katie: You aren't?
Sabastian: Don't sound so dissapointed.
Katie: Trust me, I'm not. I just figured that since you just walked up to me at the mall that you were hitting on me.
Sabastian: You aren't that pretty.
Katie: Oh my god, you're such a jerk off.
Sabastian: Do you want me to leave?
Katie: You can do what you want.
I turned and walked away. To my not surprise she followed.
Katie: I didn't say you had to leave.
Sabastian: Carry my bag for me.
I handed her my bag. She took it and looked inside. Nothing of any importance, a shirt, some socks, some glow condoms and XXX playing cards from Spencers.
Katie: Nice shirt.
Her number was soon acquired. If only it was that easy when you weren't doing scientific research. With part one taken care of I had to prepare for part two, calling each of my test subjects. A minimum of one week would be waited before calls were made. Nice guys call within three days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Katie:
I waited a week to call Katie, despite the fact that I met her on the previous Wednesday and told her I would call her the Friday of that week. The call was made the following Thursday so a date could be set up for the weekend. I would have gone longer but I decided that if I waited too long a wholesome girl like Katie might be married by that time. To create the right mood I put on some White Zombie at a volume just loud enough to be irritating and cause me to say, "what?" a lot. Here are some highlights:
Sabastian: Why don't we hang out this weekend?
Katie: Okay, what should we do?
Sabastian: I'll think of something special.
Katie: I hate bowling though.
Sabastian: As if I would take you bowling on a first date. You insult me.
Katie: Sorry.
Sabastian: What?
Katie: So do you want to pick me up?
Sabastian: What? No, drive to my house.
I gave Katie directions to my house. Not picking up a chick on a date is an ultra classy move. I was proud of myself. Katie would arrive at my house on Friday night at 9:00PM. Later dates are a typical ******* move.
Part 2, "The Phone Call" - Sarah:
I gave Sarah an extra week, you know, so she could fester in a pool of her own hate. I figured I could go longer with Sarah since any "other interests" of hers were probably serving time. I would have no competition for her time.
To set the mood, I **** you not; I threw in a porno and turned it up loud. Sarah can dish out quite a lot of ****, the phone conversation was mostly us insulting one another and saying, "****in'" a lot. There were no real highlights other than me telling her about how I hate my cat and own it just to impress girls (it's all lies, I love you, Little Britney Spears). I set up the same scenario with her as I did with Katie, Friday, 9:00PM, meet at my place (while scheduling both dates for the same Friday would have been an impressive move, I did not).
My thoughts so far: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Deacon Effect.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3, "The Date" - Katie:
Katie showed up at my house at exactly 9 PM. It was amazing; I've never seen a punctual girl before. I poked her really hard on that sensitive spot of the collarbone to make sure she was real. She was wearing a really cute sweater and some tight jeans... Typical Abercrombie look. She looked really nice; no compliments were given.
Katie: Did you decide what we are going to do?
Sabastian: First I thought we would go grab something to eat, I'm ****ing starving, dude.
Katie: Alright.
I drove. Even though I have a '94 Toyota Camry we took my '90 Eagle Talon. It has no heater and sounds like the Klingon ship on Star Trek IV when they had to go around the sun to gain enough speed to go back in time; it's a racecar. It won't do warp nine but it does 0-60 in 4.6 seconds which I repeatedly demonstrated on wet/icy, residential roads. It also has to run on special, leaded racing gas in order not to explode. It smells like lead, so does any living creature that contacts it. Katie asked what my car was named, I told her, "The Skinny Little *****". Most chicks ****ing hate the Talon, they think it's loud, dangerous, irritating, cold, hot, stinky, a waste of time and money, and lastly: stupid. Katie, oddly, seemed intrigued by my hobby. ****.
I took her to Taco Bell. I made her pay for her own food. Let me just say this was very difficult to do... I wanted to be nice but I kept thinking "for science". We took the food back to my place which momentarily seemed to shock Katie. She must have expected me to take her somewhere...
I explained to her that we would be watching a movie. She wanted to know which theater. I said, "my living room." Watching a movie at home is exactly what you should not do on a first date. First off the chick is in a strange place with someone she barely knows. Katie still had no way of knowing if I was some weird rapist guy or someting. Perfect. I put in the movie Ravenous the gorriest, least romantic movie ever
I sat down on the couch and began eating, Katie had gone to the bathroom. When she came back she sat next to me on the couch.
Sabastian: Don't eat on my couch, it's new. House rule.
Katie: But you are.
Sabastian: Rules were meant to be broken...
I set a pillow for her on the floor. Katie reluctantly got off the couch and sat on the floor. She ate her food and to my surprise she sat next to me again and even cuddled up. Possibly because I turned my heater off and it was 60 degrees in my house, she was stealing my body heat. *****.
When the movie was over I shut everything off with the remote. It was dark. Katie sat next to me for a good 15 minutes, presumably waiting for me to kiss her or something. Either way I sat there in silence as she cuddled up with me. Then I told her that I was tired and had to wake up early. She stood up and grabbed her things. She stood by the door... she was waiting for me to walk her out, I could tell. At that point I figured I had done enough research to give her that one polite gesture. I walked her down to her car. She gave me a good, long, tight hug and told me to call her. Somehow the Deacon Effect had worked... Katie must have been just insecure enough to tolerate my ****ing bull****.
The date reminded me of this nature show I saw where these two rogue lions went around killing stuff for fun. I was the rouge lion of the dating world.