Okay, I'm no great passionate fan of NASCAR but I do live in Charlotte, which means I know more about it than an "expert" in any other city. It's bigger news than Sotomayor here, really, and we're a liberal city.
Anyway! Back in May this driver called Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for drugs, he obviously said "I didn't do it", but NASCAR suspended him anyway. NASCAR isn't like other sports leagues (it's a sanctioning body, actually), it's owned by one family, the France family. A guy called Brian France runs everything, basically. The drug testing policy is crap. They have one guy, David Black, he tests both samples (WADA says you should send the "B" sample to an independent lab, NASCAR doesn't play by WADA's rules because that's not 'merican). Anyway, Mayfield hired Charlotte's most famous lawyer, a fat guy named Bill Diehl, to represent him. I've met the lawyer because his wife was my third grade teacher (six degrees of NASCAR, bitches), I didn't particularly like him, but I was also eight. They fought NASCAR on the beaches (Charlotte has a beach, actually, it's called Mountain Island Beach -- Yea, "Mountain" "Island" "Beach" in flat, landlocked, inland Charlotte, go figure) and NASCAR was not happy. They started smearing each other and stuff. NASCAR then went "F*ck it" and told everyone Mayfield did meth, and called him a "meth-head" (really) and he got pissed. "I never did meth", all that crap. But Mayfield won an injunction from the court and they said he could race his crappy car that always finishes 37th of 43 when he makes it. He didn't show up, everyone assumed he was getting ****faced on meth, but he was like "I didn't want to be on the TV". He didn't show up the next week either, and his last employee quit. He doesn't actually own his team (he made a team because no one would hire him, he sucks) because he transferred it to his wife Shana (hotness!) after NASCAR said if he showed up at the track he'd get a face full of buckshot.
Anyway, yesterday NASCAR fired up them there internets and told everyone that Jeremy (who was born in Kentucky, incidentally) failed a drug test on July 6th, and that he was doing meth again. This time they got his stepmother to sign a statement saying she'd seen him snort (yea, he's hardcore, only pussies smoke it) meth "thirty times" in a seven-year period, this sent Mayfield into redneck freakout mode, which is a thing of beauty if you've never witnessed it. "She's basically a whore", said J-Money, "She shot and killed my Daddy" (Yea, sounds like a trashy whore to me), he called her trashy too by the way: "That bitch is trashy", he opined. Then he went after Brian France point blank saying "Brian France talking about effective drug programs is like having Al Capone talking about effective law enforcement." - Meow.
"They're playing this high school bull****, they better be ready. I'm coming after them in a big way. I'm prepared to go all the way and have the backing to do it if it takes everything I've got. I'm not going to back down for something I didn't do." Dang.
Okay. At least NASCAR is going back to it's roots.
Anyway! Back in May this driver called Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for drugs, he obviously said "I didn't do it", but NASCAR suspended him anyway. NASCAR isn't like other sports leagues (it's a sanctioning body, actually), it's owned by one family, the France family. A guy called Brian France runs everything, basically. The drug testing policy is crap. They have one guy, David Black, he tests both samples (WADA says you should send the "B" sample to an independent lab, NASCAR doesn't play by WADA's rules because that's not 'merican). Anyway, Mayfield hired Charlotte's most famous lawyer, a fat guy named Bill Diehl, to represent him. I've met the lawyer because his wife was my third grade teacher (six degrees of NASCAR, bitches), I didn't particularly like him, but I was also eight. They fought NASCAR on the beaches (Charlotte has a beach, actually, it's called Mountain Island Beach -- Yea, "Mountain" "Island" "Beach" in flat, landlocked, inland Charlotte, go figure) and NASCAR was not happy. They started smearing each other and stuff. NASCAR then went "F*ck it" and told everyone Mayfield did meth, and called him a "meth-head" (really) and he got pissed. "I never did meth", all that crap. But Mayfield won an injunction from the court and they said he could race his crappy car that always finishes 37th of 43 when he makes it. He didn't show up, everyone assumed he was getting ****faced on meth, but he was like "I didn't want to be on the TV". He didn't show up the next week either, and his last employee quit. He doesn't actually own his team (he made a team because no one would hire him, he sucks) because he transferred it to his wife Shana (hotness!) after NASCAR said if he showed up at the track he'd get a face full of buckshot.
Anyway, yesterday NASCAR fired up them there internets and told everyone that Jeremy (who was born in Kentucky, incidentally) failed a drug test on July 6th, and that he was doing meth again. This time they got his stepmother to sign a statement saying she'd seen him snort (yea, he's hardcore, only pussies smoke it) meth "thirty times" in a seven-year period, this sent Mayfield into redneck freakout mode, which is a thing of beauty if you've never witnessed it. "She's basically a whore", said J-Money, "She shot and killed my Daddy" (Yea, sounds like a trashy whore to me), he called her trashy too by the way: "That bitch is trashy", he opined. Then he went after Brian France point blank saying "Brian France talking about effective drug programs is like having Al Capone talking about effective law enforcement." - Meow.
"They're playing this high school bull****, they better be ready. I'm coming after them in a big way. I'm prepared to go all the way and have the backing to do it if it takes everything I've got. I'm not going to back down for something I didn't do." Dang.
Okay. At least NASCAR is going back to it's roots.
