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Hilarious NASCAR drama

Bobby

The Legend
Okay, I'm no great passionate fan of NASCAR but I do live in Charlotte, which means I know more about it than an "expert" in any other city. It's bigger news than Sotomayor here, really, and we're a liberal city.

Anyway! Back in May this driver called Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for drugs, he obviously said "I didn't do it", but NASCAR suspended him anyway. NASCAR isn't like other sports leagues (it's a sanctioning body, actually), it's owned by one family, the France family. A guy called Brian France runs everything, basically. The drug testing policy is crap. They have one guy, David Black, he tests both samples (WADA says you should send the "B" sample to an independent lab, NASCAR doesn't play by WADA's rules because that's not 'merican). Anyway, Mayfield hired Charlotte's most famous lawyer, a fat guy named Bill Diehl, to represent him. I've met the lawyer because his wife was my third grade teacher (six degrees of NASCAR, bitches), I didn't particularly like him, but I was also eight. They fought NASCAR on the beaches (Charlotte has a beach, actually, it's called Mountain Island Beach -- Yea, "Mountain" "Island" "Beach" in flat, landlocked, inland Charlotte, go figure) and NASCAR was not happy. They started smearing each other and stuff. NASCAR then went "F*ck it" and told everyone Mayfield did meth, and called him a "meth-head" (really) and he got pissed. "I never did meth", all that crap. But Mayfield won an injunction from the court and they said he could race his crappy car that always finishes 37th of 43 when he makes it. He didn't show up, everyone assumed he was getting ****faced on meth, but he was like "I didn't want to be on the TV". He didn't show up the next week either, and his last employee quit. He doesn't actually own his team (he made a team because no one would hire him, he sucks) because he transferred it to his wife Shana (hotness!) after NASCAR said if he showed up at the track he'd get a face full of buckshot.

Anyway, yesterday NASCAR fired up them there internets and told everyone that Jeremy (who was born in Kentucky, incidentally) failed a drug test on July 6th, and that he was doing meth again. This time they got his stepmother to sign a statement saying she'd seen him snort (yea, he's hardcore, only pussies smoke it) meth "thirty times" in a seven-year period, this sent Mayfield into redneck freakout mode, which is a thing of beauty if you've never witnessed it. "She's basically a whore", said J-Money, "She shot and killed my Daddy" (Yea, sounds like a trashy whore to me), he called her trashy too by the way: "That bitch is trashy", he opined. Then he went after Brian France point blank saying "Brian France talking about effective drug programs is like having Al Capone talking about effective law enforcement." - Meow.

"They're playing this high school bull****, they better be ready. I'm coming after them in a big way. I'm prepared to go all the way and have the backing to do it if it takes everything I've got. I'm not going to back down for something I didn't do." Dang.

Okay. At least NASCAR is going back to it's roots.
 

$teauA

Superstar
Bobby if you weren't gonna open a thread about this I was going to. This is truly hilarious. I think this is NASCAR's secret ploy to bring people back because let's be honest here, they have lost double digit tv numbers and the tracks don't sell out anymore. A little redneck drama will bring the masses back in no time (or at least that's what they hope). My two cents.

PS: That NASCAR Hall of Fame building is quite cool and looks very neat downtown. Too bad I don't really care one bit to visit it.
 

Nebo

Reserve Team
Haha nice story. I actually went to the NASCAR race in Charlotte this year. Two ******* days of rain and then waiting for it to stop raining. I wasted two days of my life at a redneck race track and on top of that, I paid 60 bucks for it. I hate NASCAR.
 

$teauA

Superstar
Nebo;2703263 said:
Haha nice story. I actually went to the NASCAR race in Charlotte this year. Two ******* days of rain and then waiting for it to stop raining. I wasted two days of my life at a redneck race track and on top of that, I paid 60 bucks for it. I hate NASCAR.

You came all the way from Sweden to go to a NASCAR race in Charlotte?

Well anyway, you caught a really crappy day/race. I've been to one race in the 9 years I've lived in Charlotte and the track is like 3 miles from my house (I had free tickets too, I would never pay to see that crap). My favorite part is that they allow you to bring in your own cooler of beer (Y)
 

Nebo

Reserve Team
My house is about 3 miles from the race track too :(

Anyways, I'm heading back to Sweden in a week so you guys will once again be the only SG members living in Charlotte.
 

Ubik Valis

Croatian Viking
Nebo;2703263 said:
Haha nice story. I actually went to the NASCAR race in Charlotte this year. Two ******* days of rain and then waiting for it to stop raining. I wasted two days of my life at a redneck race track and on top of that, I paid 60 bucks for it. I hate NASCAR.


Haha, din stive svensker. (H)
 


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