0 minutes - Del Piero has pre-match sex (honestly, this is relevant later!)
1 minute - France score through Barthez, who takes a massive GK.
8 minutes - Henry sneezes so hard that the ball is propelled from Toldo's hands into the back of the net.
45 minutes - Italy have a penalty. There are a ton of French supporters behind the goal who are holding their breath. Del Piero takes and it's saved. The French supporters all let out a sigh of relief so huge that the air it produces propels the ball right up field for a goal.
68 minutes - Zidane does the "River dance" up the field, with the ball clenched between his buttocks. He river-dances past the stunned Toldo...
71 minutes - Trezeguet cathces the ball on the half way line with his teeth and spits it so hard that it ends up in the back of the net.
79 minutes - It's the Rapture! God raptures up all good Christians into heaven before the seven year tribulation! Surely all the French and Italians are good Catholics so... OH NO!!! They've all been taken raptured with the exception of Del Piero, whose pre-match "rapture" has damned him in the eyes of God. He quickly scores 3,427 goals. He doesn't care though, cos he knows he must face martyrdom or an eternity in Hell (or Bradford, as it is known in some parts).
That's my prediction - France 5 - 3,427 Italy
Player ratings -
Toldo 1
Henry £999,999,999,999
Phil Neville 666
Xavier -99
Xavier's response "It's a conspiracy UEFA has against one person minorities (eg Abel Xavier)"
Del Piero 7 years tribulation
[cont post 94..]