A story every man should read.......... :chew:
Here's what happened. We're having a salsa contest here at work, winner gets $500. I make a pretty damn good salsa, so I decided to enter that "Hottest Salsa" portion of the competition. I head to Vons to pick up my ingredients, which this time includes the worlds hottest peppers, the "habanero".
I get home, unpack everything, and begin making my creation. I've got a 32oz mixing bowl full of the ingredients I would normally use, and for some added heat I begin to dice up 15 well ripened habaneros. I toss everything into the mix, stir it up good, and give it a taste... WOW!! this **** is HOTTT! almost had a chemical like burn to it, it was insane. So I dice up 5 more for good measure. At this point you can’t even taste the salsa, all you get is a mouthful of pain and suffering. So, I've accomplished what I set out to do, create a concoction that's sure to win the contest and send people running for something to douse the fire raging in their mouths.
I wash my hands very thoroughly, put the bowl in the fridge to marinade over night, and head to the bathroom to take a leak... and that's where my nightmare began.
I whip out the ol' trouser snake and relieve myself, all the while daydreaming of people’s reaction when they eat my salsa. As the last little drips fall from Mr. Winky , I grab him and give 3 shakes for good measure (cuz any more than 3 and you're playing with it
) , and right at the end of the third shake I begin to feel something, something I've never felt before, something very, very strange. Mr. Winky had a dull burning sensation on his skin, which over the course of a minute got stronger, and stronger, and stronger!! to the point where after 60 seconds my body started trembling. I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but it started to feel like someone was taking a blow torch to my dick and was burning the hell out of it!! I started to scream for my girlfriend " HOLY FUCCING **** BABE!!! I NEED HELP QUICK!!!" I couldn’t fuggin move I was in so much pain! 3 minutes went by and the pain had completely engulfed my Johnson and felt like it was climbing up my urethra and inside to my bladder. I got in the shower as fast as I could even though I was crippled by agony and fear. Water hitting the skin only made it worse. It felt like acid eating my skin. By minute 4 I was on the verge of vomiting from pain, and Mr. Winky had shriveled up to newborn infant size penis and was turning dark purple in some spots, I thought for sure I was going to be taken to the Emergency Room where they would say "Code, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to amputate" 
"GOD DAMNIT!!!" I screamed. "CALL POISION CONTROL!!". My gf gets on the phone and starts talking to them. While im in the shower I had touched my face in arms in a few spots... SON OF A BITCH! now I'm burning everywhere I touched!! Apparently Habanero's have oil that soaks right into your skin, and requires quite a bit of washing for it to completely go away. In runs my gf with an icy cold glass of milk and tosses it all over my Johnson... it didt do ****!! I'm practically in tears and can barley speak because now not only is my dick a'blaze, but so is my face and arms. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs now asking my gf to do something! She grabs some white vinegar and pours it on... it starts to work, but only on the surface pain. Habanero oil seeps deep into your skin and can burn for hours.
Anyway, I end up with two nice blisters on my Johnson, and one very battered ego. Hours went by and the pain was slowly fading away. 2 full days after the incident, and probably 50 hand washings, I could still touch my skin, or others skin for that matter, and it would leave a little heat behind. I've had some very serious injuries in my life, and this ranked among one of the most painful. Imagine taking your dick and smashing it closed in a car door, it was like that only worse.
Moral of the story: If you're going to chop up habaneros with your hands, wear gloves.
ps. I won the hottest salsa contest. =)
Here's what happened. We're having a salsa contest here at work, winner gets $500. I make a pretty damn good salsa, so I decided to enter that "Hottest Salsa" portion of the competition. I head to Vons to pick up my ingredients, which this time includes the worlds hottest peppers, the "habanero".
I get home, unpack everything, and begin making my creation. I've got a 32oz mixing bowl full of the ingredients I would normally use, and for some added heat I begin to dice up 15 well ripened habaneros. I toss everything into the mix, stir it up good, and give it a taste... WOW!! this **** is HOTTT! almost had a chemical like burn to it, it was insane. So I dice up 5 more for good measure. At this point you can’t even taste the salsa, all you get is a mouthful of pain and suffering. So, I've accomplished what I set out to do, create a concoction that's sure to win the contest and send people running for something to douse the fire raging in their mouths.
I wash my hands very thoroughly, put the bowl in the fridge to marinade over night, and head to the bathroom to take a leak... and that's where my nightmare began.
I whip out the ol' trouser snake and relieve myself, all the while daydreaming of people’s reaction when they eat my salsa. As the last little drips fall from Mr. Winky , I grab him and give 3 shakes for good measure (cuz any more than 3 and you're playing with it
) , and right at the end of the third shake I begin to feel something, something I've never felt before, something very, very strange. Mr. Winky had a dull burning sensation on his skin, which over the course of a minute got stronger, and stronger, and stronger!! to the point where after 60 seconds my body started trembling. I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but it started to feel like someone was taking a blow torch to my dick and was burning the hell out of it!! I started to scream for my girlfriend " HOLY FUCCING **** BABE!!! I NEED HELP QUICK!!!" I couldn’t fuggin move I was in so much pain! 3 minutes went by and the pain had completely engulfed my Johnson and felt like it was climbing up my urethra and inside to my bladder. I got in the shower as fast as I could even though I was crippled by agony and fear. Water hitting the skin only made it worse. It felt like acid eating my skin. By minute 4 I was on the verge of vomiting from pain, and Mr. Winky had shriveled up to newborn infant size penis and was turning dark purple in some spots, I thought for sure I was going to be taken to the Emergency Room where they would say "Code, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to amputate" "GOD DAMNIT!!!" I screamed. "CALL POISION CONTROL!!". My gf gets on the phone and starts talking to them. While im in the shower I had touched my face in arms in a few spots... SON OF A BITCH! now I'm burning everywhere I touched!! Apparently Habanero's have oil that soaks right into your skin, and requires quite a bit of washing for it to completely go away. In runs my gf with an icy cold glass of milk and tosses it all over my Johnson... it didt do ****!! I'm practically in tears and can barley speak because now not only is my dick a'blaze, but so is my face and arms. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs now asking my gf to do something! She grabs some white vinegar and pours it on... it starts to work, but only on the surface pain. Habanero oil seeps deep into your skin and can burn for hours.
Anyway, I end up with two nice blisters on my Johnson, and one very battered ego. Hours went by and the pain was slowly fading away. 2 full days after the incident, and probably 50 hand washings, I could still touch my skin, or others skin for that matter, and it would leave a little heat behind. I've had some very serious injuries in my life, and this ranked among one of the most painful. Imagine taking your dick and smashing it closed in a car door, it was like that only worse.
Moral of the story: If you're going to chop up habaneros with your hands, wear gloves.
ps. I won the hottest salsa contest. =)
By the way something doesn't make sense....how come it didn't burn your hands? As far as I know winky skin is far tougher than hand skin 
