Confidence

[Lean]

thanks guys, response ive got here means a lot.

I suppose you've all touched on the same thing that i just cant let this go on, as Yash (and others suggested), im gonna try saying yes to simple things that my mates suggest, maybe going out straight away and getting a girlfriend is a little out of my immediate scope right now (which it is), but just "hanging" with mates and almost, experiencing "later" nights can prepare me that little bit more. Maybe just going to a pub until closing time will get me to relax a bit in those situations.

I figure, if im comfortable going to almost every place at every time, then that will essentially make me more confident when i do attempt to get a girlfriend, because wherever she wants to go or whatever she wants to do, im gonna be able to do it. Obviously when i do finally get in a relationship im not exactly going to be GOOD at it, but at least ill learn and if i find the right girl, im sure she'd understand to some extent.

Just to clarify Yash, making friends i have no problem with, like i say i honestly am the most friendly person you'll ever meet and i have lots of close female friends who are giving the same advice as you. The prob is that at the minute i cant determine anything between someone whos a friend and someone who is obviously giving me the looks lol

Like i say though i dont want to focus on that, it isnt my interest at the min to have a girlfriend, i simply want to get more confident in what i do. In just over a years time i want to be going into Journalism, one of the most confident-driven job sectors in the world, so instead of being scared im simply gonna do what i do with stuff like exams; if it all seems to be going ****, laugh dont cry

Actually, ive got through many things in my life (driving test etc) with laughter, maybe I should try it more! I was talking to my friends the other day, and I was saying how hard it must be to teach secondary school children due to their behaviour (11-16yr olds).

They said; "not really Tom, the first thing you learn is that if you go into that room acting confident, they cant touch you, even if you arent actually confident at all!", and to be honest, they're totally correct. The best teachers/lecturers are the ones who are confident, and i just thought it was a very interesting comment to make. Just thought id share that!

Heh, cool, i'm doing Journalism at Uni at the moment.

 

[Hopeunited]

So, while we're helping each other out...

Anyone wanna help me with my wanking problem? I'm like a pneumatic drill on ma waj!

Cut it off.

 

[Hopeunited]

and yeah Tom, I understand your concerns as I have some of the same problems by being an immigrant. But I think IceBlu said it all and said it well. Just gotta challenge your fear and think, "ah fvck it, I'm gonna do it today", worry about the consequences later.

 

[leungtl]

Remember though, drugs are bad mmk?

 

[Filipower]

this really shows that we tend to think as we're alone in everything and at the end of the day every person goes through simmilar situations..

 

[Tom]

well i kind hoped i wouldnt get flamed, but i havent been, you guys have been great

Keep you posted.

 

[Tom]

Been nearly a month now since i made this thread, once again like to say thanks to you guys

Anyway, things are slowly getting better, im spending more time with my mates out of uni hours, just hanging out at houses etc, having a few beers and the stuff. Also i organised to go out with some friends the other day, while that might not seem like a big deal it was for me, cos it was the first time i've really made something happen where as if i hadnt; everyone would be sitting at home lol.

Also im trying to branch out a bit, yesterday i went to pub with five people off my course i barely know, simply cos i dont wanna spend all the time with the same people. I'm making lots of mates at the minute to be honest, most of my modules don't include my best mates at uni, so i've ended up making more new mates in the last month or so than i have in the last year, im well impressed hehe

Anyway it's getting better slowly, but thanks for the advice guys, it is helping

Just thought i'd update ye all.

Tom

 

[sportgaming]

thats great to hear Tom


once things start improving, as they are, then I'm sure before too long you you will wondering hat you were even worrying about in the 1st place

 

[Tom]

WOW, now this seems like an old thread, for those of you that can remember this or that i spoke to on MSN for many long hours about, you all know i now have a lovely girlfriend of nearly two years, and it's going frigging ace.

Isn't she hawwwwt!

I've also had two solid years of work making shed loads of friends and i'd say my confidence is now probably higher than it should be!!

Might not seem much, but many of you guys (and you know who you are) really helped me a lot a few years ago, a time that seems so distant it's like another lifetime.

Thanks again, Soccergaming rules.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

Good for you man. It seems really weird that you would have made this thread, you seem like the most outgoing IRL person on SG. It also shows that shy people can change, you just have to take ownership of the change. I was the shy dude in the corner for a lot of my life, and now I suspect that friends I met 2 years ago think I'm a douchebag, alcoholic, player.

Best advice I have now for people without confidence is to just fake it until you make it. And I still standby my comments 3 years ago about getting diagnosed if one actually does suffer from social anxiety disorder, depression, or whatever.

EDIT: Getting a long term girlfriend really helps too, but that's kind of a Catch-22.

 

[yoyo913]

Glad it worked out.

 

[Keegan]

Tom: Pass it on - help another.

 

[rpvankasteren]

What a nice guy he is. But she in fact looks quite cold in that pic.

 

[King]

Tom, I have always loved you all the way from TROD to Tom and I will keep loving you until I die.









I love your girlfriend too.

 

[goal_machine84]

Good stuff mate...hadn't seen the thread before.

Enjoy life

 

[Pogba4Now]

Funny how a girlfriend can change your life completely, but yet be the source of most of your problems

Anyway good to hear Tom. Keep going.

 

[Tom]

Haha, in fairness i think having a girlfriend does make you more confident, cos unless you're a pussy you just gotta get on with everything and act confident, even if you arent. Then, before you know it, when once you were just acting to impress her, you realise you're just confident in everything!

Sounds stupid, but i know what i mean.

 

[yoyo913]

Yeah Tom, and I also think guys have this never changing need to get laid in order to have an aspect of their confidence covered so having g/f solves that problem.

 

[Jaboldinho]

Started reading and at first I didn't notice it was 3 years old, and was completely surprised. Partly by the fact that I had always thought of you as one of the most outgoing guys here, partly, because I could relay to it in many ways. Especially a few years ago, when I was 16, and people asked me out drinking or whatever, and I never went. Now that I'm doing that occasionally, too, I've started feeling, like my whole life could be different had I done it before. I'd be more confident when meeting girls, or maybe better at trying to hook up with someone, who knows...


Oh no, I'm opening up on SG too...

 

[ShiftyPowers]

Don't say no to stuff. I have an even weirder social life arc than Tom (no I will not detail it here); you can be whoever or whatever you want, but you have to stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.