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Old 06-08-2004, 10:35:PM   #1
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Hello my friend!!

Well, I haven't seen a good old story on the boards for awhile, and since I have a good week until I go back to school I figure I'll power CM on a game and write a nice story while I'm at it. And oh boy, this should be a fun one because you see, I hate Real Madrid. I still remember Anelka scoring at the Munchener Olympiastadion and knocking us out of the CL one year. Plus the government doesn't make them pay anything, gives them unlawful tax breaks and loans, and lets them buy anyone they want, so I had a devilish plan.

19th of July, 2003

Real Madrid are currently still looking for a manager at this point.

Quiroz was a fraud, and everyone knows it, so instead of hiring him they continue to look for someone....... Right when they are about to offer a contract to Sir Alex (again destroying the dreams of another club) a man walks into the office of Florentino Perez.....


I walked into the office of the Madrid Chairman and knew that I had to really convince this guy that I was going to take Madrid to a level that was not yet attained by a football club. Of course the real plan was to leave Madrid bankrupt in the Second Division B, but he could never know that. In the weeks leading up to this day I had planned everything out. I worked on a poor french accent and obtained a fake french passport; for all intents and purposes I WAS Jacques Frogoi; not some twenty year old American who despised the rich jerks. The first step was of course to interview with Mr. Perez.....*editors note, all english = spanish

Me: Bonjour Monsieur Perez! Je suis Jacques Frogoi et j'aime Real Madrid!

Perez: Hello Mister Frogoi, your resume is very impressive; you managed Ajax's youth system under van Gaal, and won back to back titles in the MLS with DC United. But you don't really have the experience we are looking for.

M: Well Monsieur Perez, I realize that, but let's be honest. A trained monkey could lead this team to glory, but a manager who is 100% loyal to management is priceless. Plus I love Madrid and have all my life, I would rather die in a dungeon alone than see this club in 3rd place in La Liga.

P: Look, we're looking for a change, and you're right, a trained monkey COULD take this team to glory. One thing, will you really obey all of my orders if you got the job.

M: Absolutely, as I said before, J'aime Real Madrid. But if you gave me the job, I would always be indebted to you.

P: You have impressed me mister Frogoi, you have the job.

M: Merci beaucoup Monsieur Perez, you will not regret this!

P: I hope not.
________________________

And so that's how I got the job, pledging unconditional loyalty to Perez. What a moron, this is my club now and I guarantee we'll be going down this year.

My first task was of course to make sure this team was "good" for years to come, and as everyone knows the heart of the team lies with the Backup Goalkeeper, so I offered Cesar a nice new contract. A hefty 70k/week and a 2M signing on fee should keep him at Madrid for a long time. And this is NOT the first of my new contracts.

The other thing I need to do is ruin the careers of Madrid players I hate, so while the club goes into the Second Division B's, so do the money grubbing Zidane's and Ronaldo's. So we'll have to keep them. The guys I don't want on the team are guys you can't hate, guys who don't follow the money, who came up through the youth system. So Raul was immediately transfer listed......for 5M. Likewise Iker Casillas was transfer listed for 2M. Instead I noticed a gem who was currently out of contract, a man who represents everything this club will now stand for. Mark Bosnich. I offered him 55k/week and 1.5M signing on fee. I'm hoping he spends all of it on coke to really liven up the club.

The first thing that needs to be addressed as far as the club goes is training, and to me fitness is the most important thing of all. We will train on the Pre-season setting all year, and train on match days. We will be practicing every single day of the year, no doubt we will be running circles around the opponents in the 80th minutes of games.

We have some tour of Belgium for the pre-season, but **** if I'm going to that. The assistant will be taking care of all that while I take a vacation to the Riviera; if I go to Belgium my cover might be blown as the only verbs I know in french are "aiment" and "etra". I think Zidane's on to me, but I've just stopped talking to him; when I see him in the hall I just look at the ground and never say a word to him, don't even acknowledge his "hello's."

While the club is on tour in Belgium however I'm busy recruiting talent for the club. To replace Raul I made a 30M bid for Deportivo Superstar Djalminha. This guy has a great attitude and I would love for him to take the AM role away from Zidane. I'm also considering bringing in Romario to put up front with Ronaldo. No one beat that combo at France '98, who could beat it now? Well, the only person who could be it was Zidane, but we have him!

July 25th, 2003

This was a very big day for Real Madrid

Being that Djalminha will be so vital to our club this season, we offered him 200k/week with a 2.7M sign on fee. Oh, and he also gets 42k for every appearance he makes (which will be twice a week). He accepts.

Romario accepts a 60k/week, 2M sign on fee contract. He accepts.

Iker Casillas agrees terms with Chelsea. Good ridance.

Sociadad try to get Cambiasso from me; denied. I have much better plans for him, I bet I can get a druggie like Mihailovic or Guardiola for him. Or maybe a thug like everyone on Leeds' 2001 squad. Or a rapist like everyone on Chelsea's 2001 squad.

Ronaldo tells me that there aren't enough players in the squad. I tell him that players should stop worrying about the manager's job and concentrate on playing football.

July 27th, 2003

Raul goes to Bayern for 5M...... over 24 months

Bosnich accepts the Real Madrid contract, cocaine for everyone!!

Oh, and I realize that Hierro was a big part of all those Real teams I hated, so I make a bid to bring him back to Madrid. He won't be the captain though. That belongs to either Djalminha or Bosnich.

July 29th, 2003

We've got a budding feud between me and Ronaldo, the reprimand was a 2 week fine; he felt it was unfair.
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Old 06-08-2004, 10:54:PM   #2
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fun reading ur great story of cocking up real madrid
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Old 06-08-2004, 10:54:PM   #3
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Well, I just realized that we only have 4 strikers, and that is NOT how Real Madrid plays, so I made an enquiry with Liverpool for superstar Striker El-Hadji Diouf.

Hierro also signed today.

August 3rd, 2003

The Reds insist that Diouf will stay with them. Well, I have about 30M left in the transfer kitty, so we'll see about that.

I also made a decision on who will take our set pieces today. Beckham? Robbie Carlos? Zidane? Figo? NO!!! The one and only Mark Bosnich. He's really impressed me. He'll also take all of our corners and penalties. Not the throw-ins though, what do you think I'm trying to do? Lose on purpose?

Here's the legendary formation I'll be using. I actually think it looks just like the actual Real Madrid formation, so I know it will work.
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Old 06-08-2004, 10:55:PM   #4
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Tactic...
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Old 06-08-2004, 11:04:PM   #5
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August 4th, 2003

Hierro says that he sees "a successful future ahead for this club." Clearly he doesn't notice the unhappy players and the tactic, but whatever.

August 6th, 2003

Liverpool reject my rediculous 22.5M bid for Diouf. Screw that then, I can find other head cases.

I also reward the loyalty of Pelu, the lone player on the Real Madrid C team. His loyalty was rewarded with a new 190k/week, 450k sign on fee contract.

August 7th, 2003

Lazio accept my Mihajlovic bid, so I offer him 90k/week and a 4.7M sign on fee. The board is a little weird, which is why the contracts and fees differ by so much.
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Old 06-08-2004, 11:57:PM   #6
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Old 06-08-2004, 11:58:PM   #7
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August 9th, 2003

Betis enquire about Salgado, I say you can't have him at any price. The Madrid regulars are going to the bottom with me, they are not allowed out.

August 11th, 2003

Roberto Carlos requests a transfer. Rejected.

August 12th, 2003

Abel Xavier signs a 36k/week, 1.7M sign on fee contract.

August 17th, 2003

The first game of the season starts, and we get to see how the tactic fares against actual competition. We have the Super Cup first leg against Mallorca.....

We ended up losing the game 5-2 because of 4 goals from Samuel Eto'o. He could of had about 10, but Bosnich had a pretty good game. We actually scored the first goal, through Guti, and were also up 2-1 until the game deteriorated. Here's the post game statement

"Luis Figo is a hack and everyone knows it. He is too old to play at this level and should not even be on this team. Unfortunately my predecessor gave him a big contract and he has to play every game, but rest assured, under my reign we will never sign hacks like Figo. The loss is entirely Figo's fault."

August 19th, 2003

The odds for La Liga title are released today, Depor are the favorites at 5-2, and we're second favorite at 5-1. What are the odds we get relegated?

August 23rd, 2003

Djalminha gets a strained groin and is out for a week. He is fined a weeks wages. Why should I pay him if he isn't even training?

August 24th, 2003

The squad is always the same as in the screenshot unless I say otherwise. Abel Xavier is playing instead of Djalminha today in the Second leg of the Super Cup....

Unfortunately we lost the game 9-4 thanks to 6 goals from Eto'o, but the bright spots were 2 goals from Romario and another goal by Guti. Post match conference....

"David Beckham is a whore. If he wasn't out there doing his nails instead of playing football we would have won. He completely shirked his defensive duties and it is his fault Eto'o scored 6 goals. If Eto'o didn't score at all we would have won the game 4-3. Thanks to Beckham we lost. Because guys like Beckham can't defend in a fun offensive style of play, we will now play boring defensive football. Blame Beckham for our boring games the rest of the year."

August 29th, 2003

Ivan Helguera, and Salgado both sign 3 year contracts. It is guaranteed to cost the club 58.5M over that period. But the appearance fees are huge too.

August 30th, 2003

Guti signs a 110k/week contract. R Carlos signs a 190k/week contract. Hey, gotta keep these guys here as long as possible! And what better way to bankrupt this club. I've hit the 37M mark in sign on fees by the way....... in August. 47M overall so far.

August 31, 2003

We lose the first League game of the year 1-0 to Malaga at the Bernabeau, drat. It was a boring game reflecting our boring tactic. Post match interview...

"Look, it is going to take some time for these selfish players, namely Beckham, Figo, and Zidane, to learn how to play team ball. They could really learn a lot from Xavier, Djalminha, and Mihajlovic. We had Anelka awhile back, that guy was a class act too. Well anyways, we will continue to suck as long as Zidane continues to suck; we're only as good as our worst player, and that is without a doubt, Zinedine Zidane."

Romario breaks his hip and is out for a month.
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Old 07-08-2004, 12:10:AM   #8
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September 3rd, 2003

We lose 3-0 at Racing Santander. Basically it was the best game I have ever witnessed by Madrid. They lost like they should. Unfortunately I was asked this question at the post match conference...

"Etes-vous francais?"

"I love Real Madrid"

"Parlez-vous francais?"

"I love Real Madrid"

"Preferez-vous le musique classique?"

"I am french! I am french and I know about football! We had the World Cup and Euro Cup at the same time! I was hired, not you! If you were in my position you would know that with players like Figo, Beckham, and Zidane it is very hard to come together as a team, and they are bad influences on pure, virgin souls like Mark Bosnich. I brought him in to provide a love of the game and a hatred of being a druggie primadonna like Beckham and Co. If they want to be prima donnas they can rot in the C team."

"Vous ne parlez pas francais"

"Yes"

I think that went well.
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Old 07-08-2004, 12:48:AM   #9
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September 10th, 2003

We were made 3-1 favorites for the Champions League.

September 13th, 2003

We lost 1-0 to Barcelona at the Bernabeau. Ronaldinho scored the only goal. We are now at the absolute bottom of La Liga with 0 goals scored and 5 conceded.

September 16th, 2003

Another loss, this time 2-0 at Lyon in the Champions League. Ronaldo got sent off in the 84th minute. I didn't fine him because that would be less money the club had to blow on salaries, but I warned him and criticized him.....

"Ronaldo needs to realize that getting sent off hurts the team. His selfish actions only serve to cut us down. We had Lyon right where we wanted them, but no, Ronaldo blew the whole thing by getting sent off. If that isn't selfish I don't know what is. It's not my fault we haven't won a game yet, it's mostly Ronaldo's."

September 21st, 2003

We lost 3-0 at Bilbao to Athletic Bilbao. Abel Xavier got sent off in the 45th minute.

"Abel Xavier represents everything that this club needs. He showed today that he has the heart to play his absolute toughest for the club; not all players will do that. Ronaldo for instance got sent off for a pussy foul last match. He could learn a lot from Xavier. His sending off shows great heart."

September 27th, 2003

We lost 1-0 to Sevilla at the Bernabeau and have still yet to get a league goal or a league point. We picked up 5 yellow cards in the game.

"You see what happens when the league unfairly suspends Xavier, we have no chance at winning. He is the heart of this team and of course losers like Beckham and Figo can't carry this team to victory. I can only do so much with what I'm given; if the board made more money available for transfer funds, we would probably be doing a lot better."

October 1st, 2003

Real Madrid get their first competitive win!!! 2-0 over Lokamotiv Moscow at the Bernabeau. Portillo had a brace in his first game of the season.

"You see what happens, Ronaldo was suspended for this game and Xavier returned from his suspension; guess what happens, we win. When Ronaldo is out of the lineup the opportunities that he constantly misses actually go in; if he wasn't making so much money I would cut him."

We make a bid for Diouf that can potentially be worth 37.5M if he plays 1 league match.

Also Hierro tears his groin and is out 2 months. No surgery.

October 5th, 2003

We lose to Celta 1-0 in Vigo. Still 0 goals and 0 points in La Liga.

The club directors are still sure they made the right decision in hiring me.
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Old 07-08-2004, 01:01:AM   #10
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October 8th, 2003

We win our first domestic match of the season! The first leg of the Spanish Cup 1st Round!! We beat Logrones 2-1 at their home stadium, the goals comming from Ronaldo and Bosnich. Djalminha was sent off for pushing someone over in the 41st minute.

"Ronaldo, god damn kid it's about time. He's making 5.9M more than the average person in Madrid every year, but it takes him until now to score? That's pathetic. Hell, even Bosnich scored today, that shows you how easy it is to score against Logrones; Ronaldo should of scored 10. Djalminha showed great heart and I believe he was sticking up for a teamate when he pushed that guy over. That's the kind of teamwork we like in Madrid."

Also we signed Diouf. 17.25M up front, and 23M when he plays his first game for us, tee hee. Nice way to get around the transfer limit. I've successfully put us 62.5M in the red this year, but Madrid still has 172M for me to lose. Don't worry, that shouldn't take long.
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Old 07-08-2004, 02:04:AM   #11
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bloody fantastic that Nimreitz, one of the best reads i have had in a long time on these forums. Instilling that somewhere out there there is still someone putting effort into threads.

by the way, 47m in signing on fees is trully impressive

TROD.
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Old 07-08-2004, 02:58:AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nimreitz


I also reward the loyalty of Pelu, the lone player on the Real Madrid C team. His loyalty was rewarded with a new 190k/week, 450k sign on fee contract.



how long do you think until Real go into recievership?
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Old 07-08-2004, 03:14:AM   #13
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Well, I think I've still got some 176 Million euros to go, but 40 Mil of that will be gone when the Diouf transfer goes through. I figure december of next season we'll be dead broke and in recievership. I just have to keep the job for another 14 odd months somehow

EDIT: Oh, and just to clarify, usually when I criticise and use players as scapegoats in the post match comments, I criticise them in the actual game too.
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