Long Distance Relationships

[ShiftyPowers]

agreed. one of the greatest mistake a man can ever do. and judging by your certainty, I think you did.

I didn't, but I was in a relationship where I would have. In hindsight telling her would have completely ended the relationship immediately and devastated her to the point of potentially ruining her for life.

 

[Back Door Skip]

I have never to this day admitted to cheating even though I've been almost caught twice... I'll take it to my grave.



I know first hand the feeling of being cheated to, though, so I know both sides.

 

[Dipanjan]

Cheating's never crossed my mind. It's just that I know how it feels to be cheated, and don't want anybody else to feel the same. It's, as many of you may already know, TERRIBLE. Harmless flirting is all right, I feel.

dip, this is the worst place you could ever possibly look for an advice..

well at least I like the way the thread has been shaping.. less boring..

I know that. Seeing my dodgy track record any fun-loving (read, troll) person would have been sarcastic and tried to pull one over me, but I posted this hoping someone 'wise' at least would try to clear out my confusion. I mean I wasn't very confused about this, but I needed to know what people though about LDRs. Glad that you replied.

They can work, but a few things have to be true IMO

1) You need to see each other semi-regularly. Probably at minimum like every month, preferably at least every two weeks. You can trade who makes the journey, but try to block off a weekend at least every month.

2) You need to keep your imagination and jealousy in check, and ditto for her.

3) There needs to be an endgame. You can't just do an LDR with no concrete plan to come together in the future. This seems obvious to me, but most people don't even think about it.

Also: if you can get over the guilt feel free to cheat. Just don't say anything ever.

What you said makes complete sense to me. Yes, we will see each other next month but that's like after 10 months! It's kinda scary to think about right now.

I think about everything way too much sometimes, but when I think about anything I convey what I feel without any due. Just don't want to regret anything, because I feel it is better to be upset after talking about our feelings than hiding them.

As I said, I will shift to Delhi in 1-2 years. And I do have future plans with her. I have always felt that if two people love each other they have to end up together no matter what! Maybe I am just being impractical and illogical.

Should I 'waste' that much of time, and waste all the opportunities that I will have? I have been asked out quite a few number of times even since the relationship became LDR, but I never quite warmed up to the other girls.

After hearing all of you, I feel that I should just do what I need to, and enjoy my bouts of happiness here in Kolkata, and not get too roughed up about stuff.

Everybody who replied, thanks for it. And anybody who wants to add something is always welcome.

 

[leungtl]

So you've already stuck it out for 9 months? Might as well wait another month until you see her then...

Point #1 by Shifty is a really important one - I didn't really know how far Kolkata was from Delhi (only knew the city names from IPL) assuming it was a couple of hundred km max, but turns out it's about 1500

You seem really committed to this girl, and it's good to hear you're at least keeping your options open. But hey, if no one else takes your fancy then there's nothing wrong with staying with her - as long as you're both equally committed to it.

There is no right or wrong answer here, just go for whatever makes you happy But you're both probably pretty young (you're 16?!), so don't be suprised if one of you decides to stop the Long Distance thing eventually.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

Knowing what I now know Dip, here is my advice:

Dump her. Normally I'd tell you to just look around and dump her when you find someone local, but you aren't getting any, so there's really no reason to stay together. If you two are truly in love then sell it as a "break". Look dude, it's just not a relationship if you are apart for 3 years and see each other once or twice; the daily skyping or whatever is just sad and it's holding you back. There's sooooo many women out there, and it's doubly so in India.

If you think you're going to get some when you see her in a month, hold off on the breakup until after that.

So anyway, take a "break", and if you meet up in the future and want to give it a real go, then more power to you.

 

[Theodorakis]

and if you're really 16 or something below 25, just keep in mind that when you look back after a couple of years, you wont even recognize yourself.. so whatever happens, dont get too carried away.. thus said; I know you wont be able to hold yourself back, so if you cant, just enjoy the pain you'll go through.. it's unlikely to suffer like that once you get past 27-28.. not unless you mourn..

 

[ShiftyPowers]

If he is the one to break it off he won't feel all that bad and the girl will always carry a small flame for him.

 

[Pogba4Now]

It depends how deep your love is. If it was very deep, thoughts of leaving her or dumping her wouldn't even cross your mind. Also depends if you guys took it seriously at the beginning. If she's particularly serious about that relationship then you'll have a hard time. She's gonna have a grudge against you forever.

My advise is that you shouldn't take a relationship seriously at this age. You must be 15-16 right? Take your time and think about it. I have friends who have been dating since the age of 15 and ended up in marriage 10+ years later, so you never know but generally, 99.9% of relationships at that age last at most 2 years. If you were 20+ then it would be a different story.

 

[Vagegast]

There's sooooo many women out there, and it's doubly so in India.

hahahahahah

 

[Keegan]

Find a nice (or naughty) girl nearby who looks sort of like her, but never mention having done so.

 

[Sir Calumn]

Dont you Indians have parents that arrange all this **** for you?