Early contenders for Number One Idiot of 2007
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter
eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need
to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to
eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2007
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life
raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2007
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2007
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his
speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2007
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that
he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave
it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2007
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first
bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2007
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign
on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
>From Kingman , KS .
______________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company
due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for
the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and
found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I
watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its
open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
_______________________________________________________
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter
eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need
to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to
eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2007
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life
raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2007
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2007
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his
speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2007
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that
he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave
it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2007
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first
bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2007
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign
on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
>From Kingman , KS .
______________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company
due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for
the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and
found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I
watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its
open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
_______________________________________________________
