Can I Trust You?

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
I love this guy with all my heart:

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Do not worry, Mr. [email protected], you can trust me. I abide the ways of Christian life and shall make sure I can help my fellow man whenever I can.

Could it be possible to provide me with more info on this business, just so that I know what is expected from me.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you.

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us

Dear Runy (the long yellow bus for special people is waiting for you, Mr. [email protected]),

Thank you for your email. I am very happy for your willingness to assist me conclude this transaction. I am a very straightforward and also a perfect gentleman who alway protect my personality in everything I do. (Wouldn't even dare to think otherwise) You see my brother Runy (nope, try again), this transaction is 100% legal and the funds are free from drug and terrorism. (O RLY?) For us to get all we want in this transaction, you have to agree with me that we must seure all the Legal documents needed in this transaction to authenticate you as the genuine beneficiary and to get the documents, we will need some money. Already, we have ,apped out 5% for expenses from the total amount.

Therefore, we have to try and make some money available fo the processing of the documents in your name and favor. These documents will be sent to you by dhl for your phisycal endorsment before the funds will be transfered to your account in UK. All we have to do now is to raise some funds from my side and your own side to enable us secure the documents. I know that you need daily money to finance your kiddies home but I am assuring you that whatever you spent, you will not regret it. ((H)) This is not going to cost us much money so if you really want to assist me, please do so that we can start immediatlly.

Finally, to prove to you that I mean every word of my mouth, I attach copy of a picture of the funds in two boxes. This picture was taken before the money was deposited in an outstanding account in Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). (MSPaint AND PhotoShop? You win, Sir!) Please my brother, thia is a golden opportunity we dont have to allow slip from us. Get back to me ASAP so that we can proceed. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

3lv1s [email protected]

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Wow, that looks very overwhelming! It even surprised the children as (when they saw the picture) they thought I was going to sell them to you for that money. Kids say the darnest things... Don't worry, I won't disappoint you.

I'll be expecting your mail with fluffy sensations which I only had once before when I prayed to God for the very first time together with my Uncle as a child.

PS The children are worried you didn't receive their drawing. They expect a lot, I know, and who can blame them for being inquisitive toddlers: they hope you framed that picture and that you have hung it in your office. They would like some proof of that. So I hope it isn't too much of a problem to take a photograph of the framed picture in your office. That way I can show the children they don't need to worry.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you.

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us
 
S

Sir Calumn

Guest
Haha this is funny stuff

"business ordeal" was just sooo beautiful, no way would he ever get it, but for us..... (Y)(Y)(Y)

"to finance you kiddies home" (H)(H)(H)
 

jatin

Reserve Team
So I hope it isn't too much of a problem to take a photograph of the framed picture in your office. That way I can show the children they don't need to worry.

I guess this would end your scam.

PS: If he does post a pic, and this does not turn out to be a scam...U r one lucky *insert swear here* Tajike...
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
And we continue:

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

I have not heard back from you. Is everything OK? I am waiting for the necessary steps to fulfill this business.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you.

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us

Dear Runy, (*sigh*)

Yes, I got your emails and I think you are not too serious about us achieving success in this transaction. Why should the children have such thought of you selling them to me for that money in the picture. I thought we are men enough to handle this transaction to the end. I have explained everything about this transaction to you but you are still not ok with them. I believe that every business without trust doesnt work. I have trusted you. I take you and the kids like my own blood brothers because I know that we still have to continue this relationship we are about to establish. (somebody seems quite desperate) (blood brothers... lol-o-rama)

Furthermore, for us to proceed in this transaction, we need $3,250 to secure all the documents in your name and favor. But I dont have all the money. I have with me the sum of $2,100 so if you can assist me with the remaining $1,150, it will be fine and very good for the transaction. (of course there are no reasons not to trust you, am I right, Mr. [email protected]?) Please get back to me as soon as possible. My regards to the kids. (dully noted) Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. 3lv1s [email protected]

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

I'm very sorry, Mr. [email protected] It was just a little, innocent adoption branche joke. I'll try to keep these jokes to a minimum in the future. I hope you can forgive me?

The $1,150 shouldn't be that much of a problem. According to my portable phone-machine's valuta calculator that's £115, which is easily available from our funds. I'll go to the bank today and have everything sorted out, you just make sure to mail me with further assistence on this ordeal.

Just a little question (and please don't get upset because I ask): any word on the photo of the framed drawing? It would make the children stop worrying.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you.

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
For credibilty's sake, it's time to bring in our spokeswoman/accountant:

From the desk of:

Ms. Emma Watson
Spokeswoman/Accountant Roddson's Kids-'R'-Us


Dear Mr. 3lv1s [email protected],

It has come to my attention that the CEO of Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us, Mr. Rony Roddson, has openend a secondary bank account in the name of this company. On this account he deposited £115, taken from our special 'Children In Need' fund which normally is used for special projects concerning underpriviledged children and children with incurable diseases.

I have not yet had the chance to ask Mr. Roddson about this incident as he was in a hurry taking care of an adoption case. Nontheless he gave me your e-mail adress and told me to ask you for more information. Could you, thus, tell me why he set apart £115 (approx. $1,150) from this fund?

Do not be afraid as this is not a big problem. I just like to have more clarification on this as to resolve our financial accountancy.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms. Emma Watson

Will Mr. [email protected] take the blood money or will he be brought back on the path of the rightious? To be continued...
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
3lv1s does not know what kind of chaos he has worked himself into. Just wait until I bring the first plot twist into work.

But for now:

Dear Runy, (same mistake in his next mail and I'll slap him)

Thank you for your email. I have nothing against you. (phew) I just wanted to let you know the right thing to do in this transaction. I am happy that you are showing better commitment in this transaction and I vow that I will never let you down. (why don't I believe you, 3lv1s?) Concerning my comment on the kid's drawing, tell the kids that I appriciate their work and hope to assist them as soon as this transaction is concluded. (not good enough, this might swing back into his face a bit later on) I hope they will stop worring now. (nope)

Secondly, I received an email from one Ms. Emma Watson asking me about this transaction and also about the $1,150 you are to send to me. I hereby forward the email for your to advise me on what to tell her. I told you from the onset of this transaction to keep this secret and confidential so please let me know what to tell her or you can go to her to explain everything to her. About sending the $1,150, please send it by western union money transfer to nema name of my driver, [email protected] [email protected], (your real name, Sir? (H)) Lagos-Nigeria and send the payment information to me vial email.

Finally, I am still advising you to keep this transaction secret and confidential. (certainly, only you and me, 3lv1s) I hope to hear from you as soon as possible. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. 3lv1s [email protected]

NB. Bellow is the email from Ms. Emma Watson.

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

I will quickly answer to your mail, Mr. [email protected], as I'm still in the middle of this very important adoption case. I could earn about £1,500,000 from this so I hope you understand the importance of this.

I haven't told Ms. Watson anything yet of our business relation. You asked to keep it a secret so I abide to your request. God wouldn't want it the other way around. Just tell her what you want: you can lie, you can speak the truth, just tell her to get of my back and leave me alone. She's unbearable, 3lv1s. A real pain in the big toe. Tell her that cockteasing me won't help her to get her allowance every month. Grounded is grounded!

About Western Union: I've never used this before. Could you please explain what to do? And will it be a simple procedure? I know there's a Western Union office close-by so I'll visit it tomorrow or on Wednesday, when all the triffle over here has died out.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
I love where this is going:

Dear Runy,

I got your email. All I will tell her now is that I am helping you to buy some drugs for the kids. Please let me know if this is ok to tell her. ((H))

About the western union, Just go there and tell them that you want to send money to somebody but remember not to tell them about this transaction. All you need to do is just to fill in the receivers name and the senders name (that is your name) and other information they may need. It is better you send the money on Wednesday because Tuesday will be our Democracy day so there will be public holiday.

Finally, I advise you to handle this transaction in a matured way so that you do not expose it. I am hoping to hear from you. Please try and call me for an important oral discussion. I hope to hear from you so that I can answer Ms. Watson. But is it important that I answer her? Please advise. ((H))Thank you and God bless.

Best regards

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Yes, 3lv1s, it's very important that you contact her. Although I do not like this woman, she is still, in fact, an integral part of Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us. If she starts to get a fit about this then she has enough power to close the company. 'The drugs for the children'-plan sounds believable enough. She might actually fall for that.
And I'll visit Western Union on Wednesday, seems easy enough.

One thing though: I just noticed that in the last couple of mails you have misspelled my name. It's Rony and not Runy. I'm very proud of my name which expresses my vast relationship to God. Calling me a different name breaks that bond.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you,

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us

Then he send this mail to "Emma":

My Dear Emma Watson,

I got your email. Mr. Rony asked me to help hime purchase some drugs for him which is important for the kids. May be he opened the secondary account to pay in the money that will be needed to purchase the drugs. I hope this is an understandable explaination. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. 3lv1s [email protected]

And he sends "Rony" the following:

Dear Brother, Rony,

Thank you for your email. First of all, I wish to appologize for my enability to write your name well. I have taken note and promise never to make such mistake.

Further to our transaction, I have writen to Ms. Watson and I told her that you want me to help you purchase some drugs for the kids. I hope it is an understandable explaination. Please try to handle this transaction on your own. Do not let this woman distract you. Show better commitment please. And remember to keep this secret. You can order that woman not to contact me any more. Please try your best to send the money on Wednesday as you have promised to enable me start the processing of the documents.

Please try your best to protect this transaction. I am waiting to hear from you with the western union payment information. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. 3lv1s [email protected]


How can you not love this guy?
Up to Western Union we go. Don't know if I'll wait untill Wednesday or violate his public holiday? Either way, Mr. [email protected] will enjoy Western Union's vision regarding modern bureaucracy. Oh, and "Emma" has a little surprise from him aswell.
 

leungtl

Manager
Staff member
Mr. Rony asked me to help hime purchase some drugs for him which is important for the kids. May be he opened the secondary account to pay in the money that will be needed to purchase the drugs.

Those lines are comedy gold, especially coming from a place where we don't call our medicine 'drugs' (H)

What are you going to do at Western Union?
 

Jaboldinho

Fan Favourite
So now your black people, huh? "Dear Brother, Rony" (H)

I'm just loving this. Definately one of the best threads on SGF.(Y)
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
leungtl;2334040 said:
Those lines are comedy gold, especially coming from a place where we don't call our medicine 'drugs' (H)

What are you going to do at Western Union?

It's not funny anymore if you'd know (H)
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
It's Wednesday and time to aggravate (sp?) my bait for the first time:

Dear Rony,

How are you and the kids, I hope all is well? I have checked my mail this morning but did not hear from you. What is the problem? You promised me that you will send the $1,150 this morning for me to start the processing of the Legal documents but up till now, nothing is done. Please can you keep me updated and remember that you use the name of [email protected] [email protected], Lagos Nigeria. I am waiting. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. 3lv1s [email protected]

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Mr. [email protected], I had a party yesterday because a lady called Angelina Jolie bought herself another Vietnamese child from our agency for the nice sum of £1,600,000. Though I'm a busy man I decided - trying to survive my hangover - to give our little business a primary engagement. I went to the Western Union office early in the morning as not to having you wait for too long. The nice gentleman clerk filled out the form for me and I thought this was the end of my trip. Was it? No, as Western Union had a little surprise for me: I had to fill in a 15-page questionnaire concerning my transaction. And then they gave me another questionnaire which apparantly you have to fill out, mail back to me and I have to, yet again, leave my busy business for you to bring it back! And that while you told me Western Union was going to be as simple as selling a child...

I'm not angry at you, Mr. [email protected], just very disappointed. And I do hope you fill out this document so I can return as soon as possible and have this hassle done with.

Hoping for a swift answer and appologies to soothen me.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you,

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us

I'll upload the photos and the questionnaire later

Edit:
http://rapidshare.com/files/34249679/Transfer_Validation.pdf.html



 

Jaboldinho

Fan Favourite
I got a weird email today. I've never sent anything to this adress. I have no idea what he's trying, but I know that he's up to no good.

Code:
Greetings!

Thanks for trying to send me an email. I'm sorry but I did not receive it
because I don't know if you are a person or a mass-emailing program. I accept
email from any person (whether I know them or not) but I do not accept email
from mass-emailing programs unless I have explicitly authorized them. 

I need you to click on the link below so that I know you are a person. Then
please re-send me your email. You will never have to repeat this step.

I am very much looking forward to reading your email. 

Please click on this link:
http://tk1.snip.net/SpamValidation/addUsrValidation.aspx?addr_id=50772472&[email protected]


Thanks!

p.s. Please do not reply to this email as I will not receive it.

Nice try, though. Some idiot could really click that link...:nape::nape:



(H)
 

Tajike

SG's Fluffiest
You poor little 3lv1s...

Dear Rony,

How are you and the kids today? I am surprise at your inability to send the money as you promised. I dont know why you should send this form to me. Why not ask them to help you fill all the form. I dont even think that form is all that important before sending money. Please if you are not sereous, you let me know because I dont like dealing with un-sereous people. You should know that this transaction requires better commitment. Therefore, I want you to show better commitment in everything you are doing concerning this transaction.

Secondly, what I asked you to send is $1,150 which I think is about six hundred pouns starling but you are talking of one hundred and fifteen pounds starling. Please my brother you know that your assistance is highly needed in this transaction and I implore you to try as much as you can to give the assistance expected from you.

And again my brother, just try your best to send this money, (six hundred pounds) today so that we can move ahead with the transaction. I know that getting the money may be defficult but please try your best and do it and I assure you that I will never let you down I swear with my life. When you get to the western union, just tell them that you are sending the money to your friend. Please remember to keep this transaction secret. Do not let them know about it at all. Beg them to help you send it.

Finally, I am waiting for your earliest reply and please keep this secret and confidential. Thank you and God bless.

Impatient, are we...

Dear Rony,

I am still waiting for your response. Please let me know what thew problem is because I am getting worried over your recent attitude. I thought I have explained everything to you but you are still making things hard for us in this transaction. Please my brother try as much as you can to fulfill your promise. I am waiting. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. Elvis Mark

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Mr. Mark, you are really challenging my patience. What is wrong with you?

Saying I'm not taking this business serious is enormously offensive: I making time in my busy schedule to help you, I extract money from our company's fund to help you, I spend 2 hours of my day at the Western Union with a hangover to get everything done. And what do I get in return: complaints, complaints, complaints. You should be ashamed of yourself, Elvis. I have other, more important business to attend to but instead I put all those hours into pleasing you while you just sit at your desk in Nigeria, doing nothing. I ask you to do one thing (which isn't even for my own well-being but to get this money send to you) and it seems to be too much to ask. Is it my fault Western Union has these new rulings? Is it my fault they ask me for you to fill out that document before they accept the money to be send to you?

And about the difference between pound and dollar: because of the recent involvement of England in the Falklands the fluctuations of the pound are massive. One day they are high up, the other day they go way down. I fixed the exchange rate at £115, which at that exact moment was $1,150. So you get your $1,150 when I send you the £115. Or are you going to complain any further about this?

Look, Mr. Mark, is it really such a nuisance to do just one simple task to get your money? Of course I can't let a WU-clerk fill out the questionnaire: nor I nor he knows you that well. How should we be able to fill this thing out?

Please, just have this thing ready and send back to me. I'm having a rest and hope I can calm down a bit. This has taken much of my necessary energy. I can't even occupy myself with the children who still try to say goodbye to little Hồ Chí Minh. (first one to figure this out gets a cookie) Poor children.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you,

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us

Dear Rony,

I am very sorry if you did not like the way I sounded in my last email. The truth is that I believe so much in you I never wanted the western union issue to distract you in this transaction. All I was saying is that the form you sent to me cannot be edited so that I can fill the form and return to you. But I also believe that you can help in filling the form because it does not matter who fill it. (WTF!!!) Please my brother, do not let this little western union issue jeopadise our effort in this transaction.

Secondly, I sugest that you try and see if you can locate another western union office and see if they have a different way of operation because My brother inlaw who lives in London do send money to his family and no such forms are required before sending the money. I think it is only here that I need to fill a form in order to receive. Please let me know if you can do that for us to proceed.

Finally my brother, I advise you to accept my plea. I am waiting for your earliest reply. Thank you and God bless.

Best regards,

Mr. Elvis Mark

May a ray of sunshine fall upon your day,

Although I greatly appreciate your concern and appologies I cannot believe you're sending me on a crusade throughout London because you can't handle the hassle of an anti-fraude questionnaire. You, again, ask me to give up some of my precious time (I do have a job to do) while you can surely relax behind your desk.

Let's make the following agreement: tomorrow morning, right before I go to my office, I will randomly visit another Wester Union office. If they do not ask for any filling out of documents I will send the money. If they give me yet some other documents, I will mail them again to you. You can then choose one of both to fill out, mail back to me and have this ordeal done. Deal?

And, Mr. Mark, you are supposed to print out those documents before filling out, scanning them back into the PC and mailing them back to me...

Please reply swiftly.

May the Almighty Lord watch over you,

Rony Roddson
Roddison's Kids-'R'-Us
 


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